Playing Pretend

Chapter 6

TYLER

They were talking about me? I was surprised to hear my name in their conversation in the first place but I was even more surprised when I heard them worried about me?

"Something is wrong with Tyler." I heard Luke say to McQuaid.

"Yes I agree, he does seem to be acting strangely and we haven't done much to support him either. I propose that we try to be more kind and patient towards him to see if his behavior will improve." McQuaid said back. I was now VERY confused, first I have never heard him say that much at once let alone about me of all people?

"Oh hey, Tyler." I looked up as I heard Luke's voice.

"O-oh h-hi guys" I said back not making eye-contact, I knew my dad said it was a sign of you being an equal to a person and so I should never do that.

"Do you wanna get going to our next classes before the bell rings?" He said back giving me a smile.

"O-oh uh s-sure!" I said back. I was excited I had my best friends back.

~timeskip~

I had got it class on time just before the final bell rang. Of course trying to ruin a perfect day came my worst subject, math. Obviously I already knew I was an idiot but math just took it to a whole new level. I could barely read so of course they had to add letters to the numbers.

"Tyler! What's the answer?" Popping me out of my thoughts as now the entire class had their eyes on me.

"Ummmm" I said looking at the equation. 17=x+36•18.

I had NO idea how to do this.

"Ummm...." I was about to give up when I heard a little whisper from the girl next to me.

"-631" she said. I had no other options so I had no choice but to trust her.

"Um -631?" I said more as a question then a statement.

"Oh correct nice job." The teacher said to me writing the answer on the board and teaching the class again.

Once class was over I immediately turned to the girl to thank her but she was already gone! I was sad I missed her but boy was I thankful class was over, especially since it was a double period.

Hurriedly I rushed out of the classroom hoping to find my friends, and maybe even catch a glance of Oliver. Walking through the hall I was looking over heads in search for a dusty haircut and some curly hair when I heard someone yell my name.

"Tyler! Come here!" I turned around looking for the voice seeing Oliver gesturing for me to go over to him. I also saw him standing with the girl that helped me in class! Finally I could thank her!

"H-hello" I said shyly, I may talk all high and mighty in my head but in real life I can barely get a decent sentence out.

"Oh hey! You are Tyler the kid I helped in class!" I turned to the girl that I recognized —of course not making eye contact— and gave her a smile.

"Y-yes t-thank y-you v-very much" I said while playing with my fingers trying to ease the huge wave of anxiety coming upon me.

"Oh so you guys have already met then. Tyler this is Emaline my girlfriend." Oliver said with a happy voice. Oh he has a girlfriend, I wish he didn't— Tyler! What are you saying you should be HAPPY he's in a relationship with someone as beautiful and kind as Emaline. It is not like he would go for you anyway.

"O-oh th-that's s-so c-cool! W-W-Well I ha-have t-to g-go so-sorry" I had with them both a smile without looking at them and walking away hurriedly.

Tears came to my eyes but I couldn't let them fall. I don't know why I thought I'd have a chance with Oliver in the first place. I'm so ugly and so obviously over-weight. I'm also dumb, and did I mention ugly. Oh well I need to punish myself. I need punishment for thinking I could ever be good enough for anyone.

TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS SERIOUSLY I WANT NO ONE GETTING HURT.

I headed to the bathroom. I was thankful for the 20 minute break period right now. I needed the pain. I deserved the pain.

I walked into a stall and locked the door. I sat down on the toilet and open the littler zipper on my worn out backpack. Ah there it is. The only release I have in my life. My blade. I've been cutting for years now, and when I couldn't cut I would dig my nails hard into my skin trying to draw blood. I knew it was bad and I was a freak but I just couldn't stop. It was the only thing that was consistent in my life other then routine beatings. Contrary to that I could control this. I could control how deep or how shallow I would go. I could control how long I wanted it to be and how many I wanted.

Snapping out of my thoughts I realized I had already started. Four bright red lines were running down my wrist. It was a good thing I looked when I did because I caught a flow of blood before it could drip. It was nice but I wanted more— no I need more. So I kept going. Digging the silver blade into the forearm I pressed and dragged it down. Waiting for the blood to pool up I smiled. The first I've smiled to in a while.

I was getting ready to start another one when the door opened followed by boisterous laughter. They sounded like jocks.

I hurriedly put by blade away under some stuff in the pocket zipped it up and pulled down both the of my sleeves. I knew I couldn't avoid the inevitable.

I walked out of the stall hoping to be done with this on time to class. As I walked over to the sinks with my head down I was pushed back.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here guys. A little freak asking for a beating." The one who pushed me said. I sighed waiting for the punches and trying to go to my happy place. It'll be over soon.

A/N I am SO sorry I took so long to update I hope you enjoyed this and I'll try not to take so long next time >.<
(Wow cringe wth)