Regrets {ShortStory} (completed)

Part 1

A/N- parts 1&2 are just going to be the two parts from my one shot book. Start at chapter 3 if you already read those.
A/N- Based off of 16x11 "Toil and Trouble". Particularly the events after the (huge) Ellick scene
After work
Nick's POV
I got out of my car and slowly walked to my door. For a moment, I considered turning around and getting back in the car to drive to Ellie's. But that wouldn't be right. She has a boyfriend now. I walked in, kicked off my shoes, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I don't want to dwell on what happened, what I should have done, what I wanted to say. I sat on the couch and drank my beer, enjoying the silence of my apartment. For a while, I was able to focus on everything else in the case. The chlorine gas is horrible. I can't believe humans were ever that insane to use it against each other.
Two beers later and I'm back on the couch, the thoughts of what I wanted to say and do creeping back into my head. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and set it on the coffee table. I stared at it for who knows how long, arguing with myself over what to do.
Should I text her? Tell her how I feel?
No, she's in a relationship.
But I need her. She deserves to know what I was going to say
She deserves to be happy
How can I live with myself without knowing if she feels the same?
She doesn't. She's happy with Boyd
But I'm not happy without her
Don't forget, you can't date a coworker
Screw Gibbs's stupid rules. I love her
He's your superior.
I need to tell her how I feel. Then she can fully trust me, even if she doesn't feel the same. It's all about trust
But this isn't right. She's happy with Boyd.
You don't know that. They've only been out five times
He means something to her. Why else would she get so mad?
He doesn't have a chance against me. I've known her for years. I've saved her life. He's probably just some guy she met online.
It still isn't right.
I picked up my phone and opened it. I pulled up my texts, clicking on Ellie's name. I sat there, wanting to text her so badly. Then I started typing.
Look, Ellie, I know you're probably really happy right now, but I just need to say this.
No, that's not good enough.
Hey, Ellie. I know you probably don't have time for this, and you're gonna kill me tomorrow at work, but I stopped you for a reason today. Not just to say goodnight. To say that I love you. That I haven't been the same since I met you. I've been so, so much happier. And I know you're probably having a great time dating Boyd, but I needed to tell you this. I'm almost on my fourth beer, but if I don't do this, I'm going to regret it forever. I love you, Ellie. It's fine if you don't like me like that, and it won't interrupt our work if you never mention this again. I have no right sending this to you, messing up your happiness, but I can't help it. Sober or not, I'm completely and utterly in love with you. I don't care about Rule 12. Screw Gibbs and all the stupid rules. So there, Ellie. That's what I wanted to say earlier.
I read over the text a few times. Then a few more. I looked at the clock. It was 11:00. My finger hovered over the button to send it. Maybe I shouldn't. But I need this so badly. I got up and grabbed another beer. I took a swig and read the text again. I moved my finger from over the send button to the delete button. Suddenly the message turned blue and moved out of the text box. Into the open space. I sent it. Shit. I didn't mean to do that. I threw my phone across the room. "Damnit!" I yelled. I started pacing. How could I be so stupid? I'm gonna regret that for a long time. She probably doesn't want to hear from me. This is why I hate technology sometimes.
I don't know what time it was that I fell asleep. I don't know how I did. Maybe I drank enough. Everything after throwing my phone is a blur. I walked to the living room and picked up my phone, hoping it was broken. I picked it up and turned it on. It was 9:00 already. Crap, I gotta go to work. I rushed to get ready, barely remembering to grab my phone on the way out. I drove to work and rushed in. When I sat down, i realized Ellie wasn't there. "Where's Bishop?" I asked. "Gibbs gave her the morning off. Apparently something very personal happened. He won't tell me what," McGee said. I sighed and opened my phone. I had four missed calls and five long texts from Ellie. I took my time reading them.
Nick, I don't even know how to begin to describe how much I didn't need this.
So that's why you sent that text. That's why you're so protective of me. It's always me.
How long have you liked me? Since the baby? Since Charlie and Luis? Why couldn't you speak up earlier? God, I don't need this.
We need to talk
Please text me back ASAP
I sighed. Then i listened to the voicemail she left. "Hey, Nick," she started. "Nick?" McGee asked me. I hurriedly turned the volume down. I guess it was louder than I realized. "I can't believe you. Look, I just need to talk to you. Soon. I may not come to work tomorrow. I just need time to think. Uh, just text me or something. Or maybe don't contact me at all. I'm a mess right now. Please give me some time before responding. This can't be handled over text or the phone. Bye," she said. I messed up. I really regret last night, all of it.