It's getting bad again isn't it? It wasn't exactly fine before though. Having anxiety attacks about dropping pizza and stupid boys. But now it's... it's nothing. Now it's headaches. Not wanting to eat. Now it's crying in your room at dads because you know very well he won't check up on you. You're erratic Nat. You're a psychopath. Maybe that's why you like learning about mental illnesses so much.
Now it's relying on everyone else when before you wanted no one else. You didn't want to talk to people, you could do it alone. Let's go back to that shall we? What makes you an artist without strife huh? That headache is coming back and you like it that way. You like the way the music hurts your ears and you're just sad. You know why you like being sad? You're so damn good at it. Brendens going to get tired of putting up with your cheery ass all the time. He's gonna get tired of having to take care of you when he's only getting worse. You're making it worse. You're making him hurt.
You don't care about him. You just want to get close enough to hurt him. That's what psychopaths do. They get close enough to their prey and hurt them. You want control. You want someone to hurt as much as you do. You want to trap him so he won't leave you. That's why you put your hand around his neck. You don't want him to hurt you you want to hurt him. He's going to start thinking you're crazy. He's going to start seeing it.
Mom only said you looked good in that dress because she wanted you to hurry up. You take so long picking out clothes. You're embarrassed about putting your hand on his neck. You're embarrassed about a lot of things. You wish you didn't do that. He doesn't actually care about you. That's why he doesn't talk outside of hanging out. And you know what happens when you hang out. You're an abusive person to be around.
You abused your sister. You want to control your mothers drinking habits. You abuse Brenden. You tugged on Henry's leash too hard just to hear him whimper. You're an animal abuser. That's why you let you all your animals die. People think you're crazy, would they be wrong darling? You wanted to kill your ex, beat the shit out of him until he felt as much pain as you did. You like having power it's a drug that you're addicted to and it's more dangerous than any other.
You like thinking of choking someone until you see the light dim out of their eyes and for them to stop struggling. When you told your mother how much you wanted to hurt Tyler, she looked at you, concerned. You're always going to be attention seeking. You're always going to be sad love. It's always going to come back and haunt you. It's always going to be there. You're never truly going to be happy. You're going to be angry for the rest of your life about what the little kids when you were younger would do to you.
Bully you and call you names. You're always going to have a chip on your shoulder from it. They were probably right though. You're hurting now. You want the pain to stop. How do you want to stop it this time?
