Dear Alan Ashby,
Sure, I guess you can call me Cat.
Mittens is cute! I hope you know I have a special place where I'm keeping my letters from you in. It's my bedside table drawer. It has a loose plank in it and it pops up so I can hide things under there. I'll keep your letters hidden because my little sister is a huge fan of you guys and if she saw that I had a letter from you, she would probably steal it and masturbate to it later. (I'm half joking half not)
I like cats. Don't worry. But…I am more of a dog person. But don't take it offensively. Cats are more sophisticated than dogs. Dogs are just…there…they're goofy 24/7.
I'm sorry Austin is upset. That's kind of cool though. Tell him not to be sad. Tell him to get over it.
One Direction is extremely hipster. Some of the girls were told to change their 'admirable person' to someone who would actually get the letters. I must say: I am surprised you actually got this letter too. I didn't know Tino went to this school! The more you know, the more you Khols, I guess.
Writing in pencils is about the most pussyish thing you could do. If you write in pen, then more emotions will come out, then you can't erase what you wrote so you're stuck with your subconscious thinking, which in return helps the reader see who you really are on the inside. Like what I just wrote down. Now you know I ramble.
I don't really know what to call my hobbies. They're interesting…I guess.
I like to convert tablature into piano music. I prefer piano over any instruments I know how to play. Call me a nerd…I know.
I like to write. Mainly novel like stories. Nothing really unique.
People call me Cat, Cathy, Catniss, Zooey, Wolfe - as long as it relates to my name in one way or another, people find a way to make it my nickname.
I have attached a photo of myself to this letter. Unfortunately, I don't have a polaroid camera, so it's a normal photo of me and my fish. Sorry he wasn't looking at the camera. He's a stupid little shit.
As you can see, I don't look like Hermione. I actually am a ginger just like you! Ginger powers unite!
I'm so happy and lucky that you responded to my letter. You're making things more bearable in school. Mr. Reif is thrilled as well. He says he thinks you and I might be able to actually write back and forth the most out of all of his classes, considering you're actually taking an interest in this program. Thanks a bunch.
I never knew that about you and…drugs…
I thought you were just like…a young kid who was friends with Austin and such. And he brought you along with him to Of Mice & Men…
I don't know. The internet is full of crazy things. Which is also why I decided to send you this printout of a picture of you I found online. Hope you like it.
I dare you to, in your next letter, write only in pen. If you write in pencil, you have to wax one of your legs. By Tino. Tino will have to wax your leg if you write in pencil. So don't you dare do it.
You can swear as many times as you fucking want in these things. I don't give a shit.
I look forward to seeing you guys at the festival tomorrow. I feel lucky that I'm in one of the places that you guys are actually doing a show. You're only doing a couple venues. Why?
Ah well. At least I get to see you all. Hope to meet you! You'll probably get this after you get home though, so meh. Whatever.
Can't wait to keep writing with you. It's fun.
~'Cat' Z. Wolfe
