Diary of a Psychopath

The Insects

When I was a kid I used to observe the wasps who came drinking water in the sink, it had just falling in the water while trying to drink (well, I think it drank) so little by little the wasps fell in the water forming a large black mass of insects that floated in the small sink in the backyard. The funny thing is that even seeing the dead companions floating the others kept coming and falling into the same trap. It was then that I saw the very moment when one of the wasps fell into the water, I immediately approached the sink to observe, it struggled and tried to get out of the water, but the sink was very slippery.

I watched the insect struggle to free itself from that fatal trap. After much effort in vain the insect gave in to the fatigue and stopped to move. I watched for a little longer and then I took it out from the water and placed it in a dry, airy place. Gradually it began to move, first were the paws after the wings. After a few minutes it was standing again and then it flew away. Then I decided that I would not wait for things to happen, I approached the sink and saw that there were several wasps on the edge of the sink, so I pushed one of them into the water, it tried to leave, but I pushed it to the bottom with a piece of wood and held it until it drowned. When it did not sketch any more reactions I took it out of the water and watched it until its full recovery.

I did the same thing with ants and I was surprised by its resistance, they struggled a lot longer than twice as long as the wasps to drown. Looking at it at the bottom of the water it seemed dead, but when I took it out of there and put they in a dry place, then it were fine again. It was a pity that the human being did not have a resistance like that, it would be incredible, but you cannot want everything, can you? We are very intelligent and can use technology to overcome our physical limitations, but is it really that we can overcome our mental limitations?

One day in the backyard of my parents' house I was sitting in the veranda watching a grasshopper trying to fly, but it seemed a little bewildered, I got up and went to it to watch it better. It was still trying to fly, but it ended up hitting the wall or the floor, which surprised me was the resistance that insect had, even if it hit the ground and the walls did not seem to mind at all. I decided to do an experiment with it, I sneaked toward it and grabbed it by the back, it immediately used his thorns back legs to force me to release it.

Now wearing a glove, I caught it again, it tried to fight, but his thorny paws no longer hurt me anymore. For a while I remained watching it thinking what kind of test I would do, so I saw a nail on the ground, I took the nail and inserted it between the head and the body of the grasshopper. I put it on the ground and I was looking at it walk as if nothing happened, it didn't seem to feel any pain, or at least it had no way of expressing. Seeing that I realized how being-human is scandalous, certain people cry and scream by a simple scratch.

Spiders have always been one of my biggest fears even today in adulthood, I think this is called arachnophobia, to me it are the most terrifying creatures on the planet. The shape of its disgusting body causes me chills, its elaborate webs made to capture distracted insects causes me almost as much creeps as its creators. Several times as I walked through the woods I was terrified to realize that there was spider web everywhere. I was paralyzed for a while in fear and analyzing the situation until despair took over of me and I came running and looking if there were spiders walking on my body.

Because of this fear I never did experiences with it, when I found some at home I killed it using any object. In other places I avoided passing near where it were, from time to time I had nightmares with spiders attacking me and then my body was full with wounds that began to rot, when I woke up these nightmares my fear not finished, because I thought that was spiders in my bed.