Shrek x Ronald McDonald

Meeting the Parents

Shrek and Ronald have been dating for two months. They were sitting in Shrek's lounge, Ronald smoking his mccigarette, Shrek thinking about how he needs to fetch donkeys decaying body from the bottom of his swamp. Then, Shrek thought about the fact that... Ronald needed to meet Shrek's parents. Shrek perked up, and stared into Ronald's dreamy eyes. "Ronald," Shrek whispered. "I've been thinking." Ronald admired Shrek's features before speaking. "About what?" Ronald replied.  "We've been dating for a while, and I feel that... you need to meet my parents." Ronald was mortified. Parents. It gave him flashbacks to the fateful day that Ronald witnessed his parents both die from heart disease. At the same time. Right before both of them died his mother spoke to him. "Continue our legacy Ronny," His mother croaked. "Slice us up, put us in your food. No one will know." The heart monitor flatlined.
...Ronald woke up from his flashbacks.
"So," Shrek asked, "When do you want to meet them?"

As Shrek drove up to a whitewashed house, Ronald worried. What if Shrek's parents didn't like him? Shrek sighed before saying, "We're here." Ronald prepared his bag of special chicken nuggets. He opened the car door and walked up the winding path that led to Shrek's parents house. Ronald nervously eyed Shrek. "It's ok," Shrek assured Ronald, "They'll like you."

They walked into the house, immediately bombarded with hugs from Shrek's parents. Shrek stood back for a moment, and introduced them to Ronald. "Ronald, these are my parents, Hatsune Miku and Yohioloid. Mom, Dad, this is my soulmate, Ronald." Ronald waved at Hatsune Miku and Yohioloid. Then they waved back, unblinkingly. Do they ever blink? Ronald thought to himself. They never did blink. Sad. Miku and Yohioloid looked Ronald up and down. "Come, sit here." Miku said, pointing to a chair. Ronald obliged. Shrek stood in a corner. They all sat in silence for a moment, before Yohioloid spoke up. "So, what do you do for a living?" He asked Ronald. "Oh, I used to run a food industry." Miku nodded. "We grow cabbages." Miku leaned in to Ronald, looking over at Shrek. "Don't tell Shrek," She whispered, "But we also work for the mafia." Miku leaned back in her seat. She eyed up Ronald's bag of nuggets that he was holding. "What are those?" Miku said, pointing to the bag. "Oh," Ronald said. "These are my gift to you guys." Ronald handed the two the bag. Miku and Yohioloid reached into the bag and each grabbed a nugget, taking a bite out of them. "Wait," Yohioloid said, "Are these...not vegan?" Shrek gasped. Ronald gulped nervously. Ronald inched over to Shrek and whispered into his ear. "You never told me they were vegan!" Shrek wiped his palms on his shirt. "I never knew either!" He whispered back. Ronald reached into his pocket. Shrek nodded. "I didn't think we had to resort to this, but it's the only way." Ronald pulled his mcpistol out of his pocket, and cocked it.

Shrek and Ronald pulled out of the driveway. Shrek sniffed. Ronald sighed. "I'm sorry we had to kill your parents." Shrek looked at Ronald. "It was the right thing to do." Shrek said, his voice cracking. Shrek drove for a bit, both him and Ronald silent. Shrek pulled into a park, and got out of the car. "Come on," he said to Ronald, "Let's take a walk." Ronald got out of the car and lit a mccigarette. They walked for a bit before getting to a grassy hill, where they sat down. Ronald looked at Shrek. Shrek looked at Ronald, tears in his eyes. They made out for 10 hours, rolling around the grassy hill.