Shrek x Ronald McDonald

Childbirth

Shrek and Ronald recently flew back from their vacation. Shrek's swamp was welcoming after the two weeks spent in Honolulu. The greenness of the swamps vegetation reflected on their eyes, making them realize how much they missed that swamp. That beautiful, beautiful swamp. It filled Shrek and Ronald with content. Though, calling it Shrek's swamp was wrong. It was now, rightfully, Shrek and Ronald's swamp. Shrek and Ronald got undressed immediately, and climbed into the swamp waters. ''Shrek,'' Ronald asked, eyeing Shrek's body, ''Did you ever...have an ex?'' Shrek replied by slowly nodding. ''Her name was Fiona. Ogre, like myself.'' Ronald narrowed his eyes. ''Where... where is this...Fiona?'' Shrek lowered his head. ''Shrek... where is she?''

Shrek pulled Fiona's dead body from under his bed. Ronald looked at the body, unfazed. 

''How'd you kill her?''

''Rat poison.''

''Any reason why?''

''Sh' hid a lifetimes supply of cheese in the closet. I thought she was gon' be a rat.''

'' That's reasonable.''

(Later...)

Shrek fidgeted in the bathroom and pulled out the pregnancy test out of his pocket. He fumbled with it, proceeded to pull down his pants, and peed on the test. He waited anxiously for a moment, and checked it. His eyes widened.

Ronald sat on an armchair, smoking his Mccigarette slowly. Shrek then burst through the door, his brow furrowed. ''Ronald,'' he said, a bit of panic hidden in his voice, ''I need to tell you something.'' Ronald looked up. ''What is it?'' Shrek gulped. ''Ronald... I'm... I'm pregnant.'' Ronald raised his eyebrows. ''That's spicy.'' Ronald stood up, and started to gracefully sing. Shrek watched him in awe. Ronald was singing Rock and Roll McDonalds. Ronald pranced around the room to and fro, full of joy. This was a majestic moment. Shrek's eyes welled with tears. Happy tears. He loved his mans.

(3 months into the pregnancy)

Ronald comforted Shrek when he threw up or had bad cramps. This birth was going to be a beautiful one, Ronald just knew it. He rubbed Shrek's pregnant stomach and smiled.

(9 months into the pregnancy)

Shrek's water broke. He screamed, and Ronald did his best to comfort him. Ronald brought Shrek's screaming body into his car, and drove him to the nearest hospital.

Ronald held Shrek's hand tightly. ''Push, Shrek, push.'' The doctor left since he didn't want to see an ogres... parts. Coward. At least Shrek didn't need a C-section. Shrek's shouting echoed throughout the entire hospital, so all the patients started to crawl out the windows of their rooms.  ''It's ok Shrek, push.'' Shrek screamed again, and Ronald saw a head coming out of Shrek. This to Ronald was a beautiful sight. Ronald was going to be... a papa. Shrek gave one more push, and Ronald still held tight onto his hand. Out... out came a baby. A beautiful, beautiful baby. Ronald lifted the baby up and smiled. ''It's a baby.'' He handed the furry, black and red baby to Shrek, and he held the baby in his arms. ''We'll name him Shadow the Hedgehog. Shadow the Hedgehog McDonald.'' Sunlight shone through the window. 

Ronald and Shrek, with Shadow in his highchair, sat at a table. ''I have a surprise for you,'' Ronald said to Shrek. ''I'll be right back.'' He quickly went into the kitchen, and came back with a plate of burgers. ''It's a new recipe. I call it... the McFiona.''