Hopelessly Yours: A Steve Rogers Love Story

Chapter 55: The Call

"BUCKY!?" I squeaked in shock.

My mind couldn't process everything fast enough. I hadn't seen him since that day... the day Steve left. My stomach churned and my head pounded, not nearly as bad as my heart! I was overwhelmed, angry, sad, happy, relieved. I couldn't tell anymore! I let my emotions take over and leapt forward, throwing my arms tightly around him in a hug.

"Oh my god I can't believe it's really you! Let me look at you! Are you okay!?" I half laughed half cried with happiness.

Bucky stood there for a moment in confusion,

"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" I asked him.

"Y-Yes I just. Didn't expect you to be.. happy. To see me." He responded quietly with a small smirk.

"Why wouldn't I be happy to see you?" I asked with a huge smile.

"Well I... kind of am the reason you're in this mess." Bucky replied.

"No, no don't say that." I said quietly as I rubbed his arm lightly.

Bucky started at the ground and smirked for a brief second before inviting me inside.

We sat down at a table with two chairs after Bucky made some funky tasting herbal tea to relax and silence symptoms of anxiety. I mustered through a brief silence before I couldn't take it anymore. This was Steve's best friend. I had to be honest with him, if no one else.

"How are you, Bucky?" I asked him honestly.

"Better. A little better every day. This place, it's, healing." Bucky replied as he looked around.

"Yeah? That's amazing. I'm so glad you've found some peace, Bucky. You deserve it." I smiled kindly at him.

"You haven't though." He said sadly.

My eyes darted up to him...

"What..." I said.

"I can feel it. You're. Still hurting." Bucky said remorseful.

"Bucky, no. I'm okay. I promise." I let a small smile fall and shook my head as I held his hand from across the table for a moment.

"You don't have to do that. Try to convince me you're alright. You don't even look like the same girl I met. Even if it was briefly." Bucky stated honestly.

I sighed in defeat,

"You're right. I haven't been myself in a long time. In fact I don't even know if she still exists anymore. Truth is... I've never been a good person without him in my life. This isn't the first time being without Steve. The first time almost cost me my life. Every time we are apart, bad things happen. I become someone I hate. I hurt the people I love. I'm not sure I know how to be that girl you met anymore." I admitted with my head down as I fidgeted with my fingers.

"Ally.. it's alright.. you can talk to me." Bucky said as he patted my hand this time.

In the passed six months, I hadn't been allowed to feel the true hurt of missing him, or my family. Thanks to the CIA, I had to go through rigorous mental training to stabilize my thoughts and block them out completely. But now? It was like, being in the presence of Bucky Barnes, stripped away the hard shell on the outside. I felt... Naked. And exposed. And raw. But not the bad kind, the relieving kind, the kind that forces you to be honest with yourself.

I laid my small hand on top of his and squeezed a little before letting out a couple of tears.

"I miss him. Every day. Every second. So much." I choked as I tried to swallow my emotions.