Secret Profession || Remington Leith ||

1. Voices

"You can't just go around saying shit like that Rem!" He doesn't understand, I wasn't talking to him...

"I wasn't-" He didn't even let me finish my sentence. Something I had grown use to at this point.

"I wasn't talking to you Em," he spoke in a hurtful mocking voice. He made my blood boil. But he was my little brother... he just didn't understand what was going on in my mind. "I've heard that excuse before Remington. You really need to come up with some better ones." That's when I felt my heart drop. Not even my little brother believed me. No one did... I had no one. Just me, alone, walking this earth I am forced to be upon.

I walked out of the loungeroom with my head down, I had pulled the hoodie of my jumper over my black hair; I felt insecure. No one knew how it felt to suffer this way. What is wrong with me? Not even I knew the answer to that question.

Without a word I opened the front door and exited the house, not even bothering to close it. Not like it mattered anyway. They didn't care.

"Where is he going?" I heard the curiousity basically seeping from Sebastian's wicked tongue. Wow suddeny he cared. A rare sight for my older brother to even notice my existence.

At this point I didn't even know what I was doing, where I was going. Fuck, even if I wanted to exist anymore. Depression sucks. It drains you of your very will to live, to exist at all. It makes you feel empty inside. It takes adventage of your mental state and rips it to shreads. 'Nobody loves you. You're a worthless piece of shit. Go kill yourself.' The voice in my head just won't stop. Taunting me day-in and day-out, the hardest part about it all is that no body can hear them but me.

~~~

By the time I realised this was a bad idea, it was already too late. Standing on top of the old apartment buildings down the street, I could have at least picked a better looking place. The cracked old red bricks of the building, becoming frail as it aged in the rain of the night. So depressing to look at, I related to its cracks. Representing my sanity slowly slipping away from me.

Somehow this was peaceful to me. But it wasn't for long, the voices ventured back from the door I tried to lock them behind in the back of my empty mind. So viciously scratching, claws so sharp, I can't do this anymore.

"Fuck! I'm fucking done!" I scream, stepping onto the edge of the building. I am not contemplating life and death anymore. I am not going to keep searching endlessly for a reason to live, there just isn't anything. One foot now dangling over the edge as the cool breeze connects with my pale white skin, my complexion so flawed; so scarred.

"Remi don't!" I knew that voice. That squeaky yet soft tone.

"Mum?" Turning around, my heart stopped. Her tear stained cheeks. I felt her pain, yet i was so numb.

~~~

Her warm arms, they felt so good to be wrapped in. She had pulled me from the edge, we were now sitting on the cold ground, still on top of the building. The door swung open and I felt my heart race in my chest, I felt fear. The first emotion I had felt in years, after numbness took over. Fear.

"I'm sorry Rem, it's for the best," a single tear fell down her cheek as the emotion drained from her soul. Not even my mother cared.

"Mum..." Holding back tears.

"Goodbye Rem."

"Fuck you!" She left without looking back, taking with her any mere fragments of hope I had left in this world.

I really was alone...