Rewrite the Stars

Chapter Twenty Five - Heartfelt Apologies

Collin drives me to the cabin and wishes me luck before heading back to his wife and kids. I urge him to wait for me in case Benjamin doesn't want to talk to me, but Collin is certain that he will. Me? Well, not so much.

I wave goodbye to Collin before walking to the cabin's doorstep. I take several deep breaths and look around trying to relax. It's really quiet here. The cabin is secluded and there isn't anything around it but trees. It's so serene out here that wish that I have come here under different circumstances.

I take one last big, deep breath and knock on door. I hear barking and reckon it is Rusty. A few seconds later, Benjamin opens the door.

"Hi." My voice is so small.

Benjamin is quiet for a moment. "What are you doing here?" He didn't sound hostile. He seems to genuinely want to know.

"Can we talk? "I ask him. Benjamin nods and steps aside to let me in.

Rusty runs up to me and I kneel down hugging the furry beast and raining him down with kisses.

"I miss you, you beast." I scratch behind his ear making him purr happily then stand up and look around the cabin. It might be small but it is immaculately decorated. I turn around and look at Benjamin who is already staring at me.
I turn my gaze away from him and uncomfortably take a seat on the edge of the couch. Benjamin however, looks at ease as he takes a seat on the couch beside me making sure to leave some space.

"So you're here to talk." He states.

"Yes." I dust away imaginary dust from my clothes then look at him. "I called you and sent several text messages, but you didn't reply."

"I didn't bring my phone with me. I wanted to be disconnected from everything around me." He explains and I nod.

"Fair enough." I nod. "Benjamin, I don't know where to begin." I tell him honestly. Benjamin looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. "I should probably start by saying that I'm sorry."

"Go on." A small smile appears on Benjamin's face giving me the strength to continue. "You probably think that I was being unfair by not letting you make a decision." He nods. "But, you have to understand where I was coming from." I stay silent for a moment before continuing "I didn't want you to see me the way I was. I knew that your opinion of me would change. I know that because the opinion of my peers at school changed when I was diagnosed with cancer the first time." Benjamin is quiet so I take it as a chance to continue. "I had no self-confidence whatsoever. I had lost all my hair. I was angry all the time. I didn't want you to be on the receiving end of all of this." I tell him. "I wasn't the easiest to deal with."

Benjamin seems to be thinking about what I said before he speaks up. "Rosa, I may not know the extent of what you dealt with because you didn't want me there with you." I realize the underlying blow that is aimed at me, but I let it slide. "When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. However, what you don't understand is that I was willing to experience them with you. I wanted to be there for you." I stare down at my knees. "Rosa, look at me." Benjamin says softly. "I love you. I love you in your worst times and your best times. If I can't stand by you in your time of need then what good am I for?"

"I'm sorry." I tell him honestly. "I know that now. I really needed you by my side, but I thought that I was protecting you. Even now, I'm scared that you'll get too attached to me and if I do relapse you won't take it so well."

Benjamin shakes his head and closes the distance between us on the couch. He places his forefinger and thumb under my chin making me look at him. "I'm already in over my head where it concerns you." He whispers. "Don't you know that already?"

Benjamin leans in slowly and I close my eyes, meeting him halfway. He immediately licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance, and I gladly grant it. After a while of making out, we both pull back wanting to breathe in some air. I lick my lips nervously as I stare at him. Oh, my God, why did he have to be so sexy and handsome?

"I love you, Rosa." He admits.

"I love you too, Ben." I tell him. "So, so much."

A wide smile breaks onto Benjamin's face and I'm elated that I'm the one who put it there. He leans forward and wraps his arms around me in s tight hug. I lay my head comfortably on his chest and breathe him in. "You're safe with me I promise, and when you get scared look me in the eyes, hold me a little tighter and smile because I'm not going anywhere."

I feel my heart bursting out of my chest from happiness. Here I am in the arms of the most wonderful man that I could've been with all those years ago, but we'll have to make new memories. We'll have to make up for lost times and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that as long as I have him beside me.

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