Dragusha Revenge ✓Completed✓

MIRA

HIS PHONE GOES OFF, and he answers. I lean my head back on his chest and look at the faint shapes of crates and containers and listen to Viktor’s rumbly tone on the other end. I feel like I drank a thousand cups of bad coffee. All the death. I used to feel safe and good in the world, and now there’s a hole in me that can never be filled. I never want it filled. I shot a man. “I probably killed him,” I say when the call ends. “I need you to hear me and not minimize it.” He tightens his arms around me. “I won’t minimize it then. This is a war, and you’re right, there’s nothing small about shooting a guy.

You shot the fuck out of him with a big fucking piece. You maybe killed him.” I sniffle. “And yeah, you saved yourself, but it doesn’t change how it feels.” “Maybe I didn’t have to shoot him.” “You think we were getting out of there alive without that?” “No,” I say. “Hell no. You saved yourself, and you saved us. I pulled you into this, and you did the best you could.” “Is that what you tell yourself? That you did the best you could?” “Sometimes.” “Does it help?” “No, baby,” he says. “It’s just true, is all.” I suck in a ragged breath. “Does anything help..

Nothing helps. I won’t lie to you. It’s a hard thing—not like on TV or a video game. It’s real like nothing else. It’s jagged inside you—especially if you never did it before.” I feel a sob come up from my chest. Like my whole body is trapped sobs. I think they might be there forever, like ghosts trapped inside me. All I can see is him doubling over. Lazarus’s face when he got that phone call. “I caused deaths today.” “I know.” “It hurts.” “I know, baby,” he says. I love him for being real with me now..

You stay alive, Mira. It’s what we do. It’s built in.” “Like animals.” I feel crazy suddenly, like everything is upside down. “That’s what I am. This is what it really is, isn’t it? When you appeared at the boathouse, I thought you were the animal. Child of the Black Lion. But I am, too.” “Mira—” “No, listen. Me going around putting bullets in people’s bellies? Maybe this is the first time I’ve acted with any real honesty.” “You know that’s bullshit. What you did doesn’t change what’s inside you, Mira.” I feel like it does, though—I feel like things will never be okay again. I want to crawl out of my skin. I flatten my hand to his chest. “Make me forget. Fuck me like an animal. I want you to turn me inside out and fuck me on the dirty floor. Make me feel the dirt.”

He takes hold of my hair and turns my face to his. “Fuck me the way I like.” He sucks in a slow breath, then kisses me long and slow. Much too soft. I reach for his cock. He’s hard. Steely through his jeans. “Tell me what a whore I am until I forget. Until I can’t feel.” “Mira.” He kisses my ear. Shivers go through me. “I want you to use me until I’m completely twisted up and worn out. Like a piece of trash for you to—” He shuts me up with another kiss. “Harder,” I say. “Baby, I want to just love you,” he says. “Do it, then. Right here on the mat.” “No, I mean, I want to hold on to you and feel how much I fucking actually love you. I’m sick from how much I love you

My blood races. He loves me. Sick from how much he loves me. Only Aleksio would say it like that. He tightens his arms around me. “I love using you like a whore, don’t get me wrong. It’s the hottest thing on the planet, but I only call you that because you’re so hot and I’m so fucking in love with you. I’m not gonna call you a whore when you feel shitty and want to feel shittier. Screw that.” “You are such an asshole.” He holds me more tightly, staring into my eyes with a mixture of tenderness and desperation. “I know,” he says. My snort sounds ragged to my own ears. Suddenly his mouth is lowering to mine and he’s kissing me, holding me, warming me, softening me. Like ice melting away.

He pulls his head away. “Okay?” I close my eyes. “Okay.” “Breathe, baby. You’re not breathing.” I suck in a breath, then heave it out. “It hurts to know what I did.” “I know,” he says. “But you’re here.” “Always.” “You love me.” “I love the fuck out of you.” I should feel happy about that, but us together is another thing that’s doomed. “Sometimes love isn’t enough, is it?” The engine rumbles. There’s nothing to say to that. Our lives run in opposite and opposing directions—I care about the rule of law. He lives to break it. I’m all about rescuing kids from a lifestyle he promotes..