A Million Little Pieces

Chapter 10

  I think I owe the universe a long overdue thanks. Well I mean I am dead and it does hurt to see everyone suffer, but Jamie is alive. I haven't left his side since he was taken to the hospital, so a couple hours. Aria and Jamie's mom rushed to him the second they heard the loud bang outside the house. They found him lying in front of the car unconscious and in a pool of his own blood. Shattered glass dusting the scene it all reminded me of when I died. Even though the accident was not as violent it hurt just as much to see Jamie that way. The familiar sound of blaring sirens filled that air once again sending shivers down my spin. Just thinking about how worse it could've been if he weren't in a neighborhood makes my chest constrict. Still the impact of the car left him with a minor concussion and a broken leg. Through all of this that white rabbit left never to be seen again.                                                                                                                                                           I looked down at Jamie now and I could see the way his pitch black hair clung to his tan forehead. His long curled black eyelashes brushed his cheeks in his sleep. It was like looking at the night sky in the way each mark on his face was unique like a star. His eyes were the sun and I was waiting for morning. For the very moment he'd open his eyes and smile telling everyone he was alright. Instead his eyebrows pulled tighter together and he started to move his lips as if calling out for someone. Jamie's chest pulled up and sweat was beginning to leave furious trails down from his forehead. Aria began to frantically scream out for a nurse while his mother grabbed on tightly to his hand. No universe please don't do this now I just thanked you. Please Jamie be ok you'll survive it's what you do. Ever since we were kids all you've done was be tenacious and stubborn don't stop now. Nurses hustled into the room with instruments unknown to me and tried to help him. I think I knew it was too late once I saw him fall back into the bed and heard the beep of a flat line. It was as if everything was in slow motion, yet everything was happening too fast for me to comprehend. All sound in the room was muffled except for that prolonged beeping sound. The growing silence stretched over the room trying to envelope everything. It ate at words and concealed everyone's thoughts. Trying to silence everything that existed. Nothing in the room seem to actually exist except for the now dead Jamie. The love of my life who the world is a horrid place without is gone. James Garrick the one who couldn't just let the rabbit go and for that he's paid the price. I felt the harsh tears spilling from my eyes and made no effort to wipe them away. "Lucy?" A voice as familiar as my own called out. I'd know it anywhere, but still when I turned around to see Jamie standing in the hospital room with me I wasn't sure it was him. "I-" Jamie had already rushed to hold me in his arms before I got a word out. The way his warm body felt cradling mine was exactly how I longed it to be for a long time. When we pulled away from each other we couldn't be separated completely. "You dummy," I sniffled wiping my eyes leaving my cheeks red-hot "haven't you ever seen the movie Alice in Wonderland? You aren't supposed to chase rabbits." He threw his head back and laughed. He shrugged his shoulders then looked back down, his face growing more serious as he said, "I'm sorry for everything I put you through I've just been blaming myself and-" I held up a hand then shook my head "Jamie do not apologize I don't blame you for anything and I need you to know that and to not be sad or angry at the world." This time it was Jamie's turn to spill a tear or two. He held my wrist in his hand his voice barely a whisper, "I want to stay with you please." I reached up my hand to caress his cheek wiping his tears away with my finger, "You have so much life to live, and trust me it'll be worth it. I know you'll be happy if you let everything go and try to move on. You have to be alive you can't die it's not your time. I'll see you again when it is." Jamie looked at the ground with resentment. I lifted his chin to meet his gaze and smiled at him, twisting his complexion to make him look more understanding. "I can't let you go just yet I-I'm not done being with you" Jamie stammered. "I'll be with you till you're ready to let me go then. As long as you promise to be alive, Jamie" I was trying to take in every detail on his face before I lost him again. Trying to absorb the beauty he had and the way he leaned into my hand on his cheek. He kissed my hand so lightly it felt like I was getting kissed by a feather and said, "I promise. I love you Lucy." My heart felt overflowed with the world and the series of events that have turned everyone's life into a storm without an eye. "I love you Jamie and I will forever even when you love someone else. I'll be waiting for you patiently because for you I could wait eternity." This was easy for me to say because I was not only waiting for the love of my life, but also my best friend. I closed my eyes pressed my lips against his and an explosion of warmth and color followed. It felt like spring had finally come. When my eyes slowly opened Jamie was no longer there and I began to regain my senses. That prolonged beeping started to catch a rhythm one beat after another. Ba bump ba bump ba bump. Even though it didn't sound like much it was like music to my ears. A perfectly crafted symphony because it made his life known to the world.

  A day later Jamie's eyes popped open and the sun had truly come out. He had looked around the hospital room at Aria and at his own mother who had been holding his hand. Aria had been on her third cup of coffee and just got up to get another. Jamie looked over to his mother and stared blankly. She looked up at him with concern and sounding very helpless spoke, "I am sorry James I have not been a mother to you and I am so sorry I haven't realized it." Jamie's face had not changed to show any hint of emotions he said, "I'm going to the art school." The mother looked at her child intently then smiled a weak and awkward smile, "I know you are and I want to fix things between us so I will help you pay for that because I want you to know I love you. I was running from my fears and in doing so I tortured you more than I'll ever know. I was so focused on work and reputation while my only son was dying in front of my face. I promise from now on I'll try to be a better mom if you could give me a chance to make it up to you."
Jamie's face changed at that to something more vulnerable as he said, "I forgive you." His mother wiped her forehead as if she'd just ran a mile. She was genuinely worried he wouldn't forgive her. I guess in the face of tragedy people could change for the better. People are better able to look inside themselves and find the part of them they've locked up tight. The part that cares for another person without expecting anything in return. It's the part everyone is scared to show. However, I think unconditional love is something valuable and it should be shown off to certain people every once in a while.