Pluie Mauve ~Purple Rain~ [IZ*ONE FF]

Chapter 1: Tristesse

Pluie Mauve
Purple Rain

CHAPTER 1: Tristesse

"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum."

- Jonathan Safran Foer

"Is it... true?"

She asked that question right after. I can't figure out what she felt that time but then she shook me and I don't even know why I can't speak. I was torn between continuing what I was saying or maybe I could just say it's a joke...

"Eunbi..." Hearing her say my name made my heart skip a beat. I looked at her and tears started to well in the corner of her eyes. "Tell me... Is it true?"

All I did was to nod and then I felt a pair of warm hands pulling me into a tight embrace. Does this mean...

No, this is wrong. There's no way that she'll like me--

"Eunbi, thank you." That's what she said.

Just like what I thought, there'd be no way she'll like me. We're both girls, to begin with. Plus, I don't think I deserve someone as amazing as her...

I felt her arms loosen. She held my shoulder and looked straight at me, with a bright smile on her face. Her face was red and so are her eyes which are now drenched in tears.

"I'm glad we both feel the same."

"You know, it's okay... I'll be fine-- wait... WHAT?!"

Am I imagining things? Is there a problem with my hearing???

"Stupid!" She pouted and looked away. But then she looked back at me. "I said I lo--"

Her words are inaudible. I recoiled from fear and woke up from that dream. It was certainly a dream. Again. During the past weeks, I have always dreamed about her... I know why and maybe none of these make sense but I was somehow really happy that I can see her even just in my dreams.

I stared at the ceiling, not wanting to start the day crying again. Inhale. Exhale. I did my best to compose myself and shrugged off the weird feeling. It has been so long yet I still can't get used to this feeling. I decided to get off the bed and occupy my mind with something else.

It's still 4:37am, too early to prepare myself for work. I have no idea what I wanted to do but for some reasons, the silence of the place made me feel sadder...

I reached for my phone and opened my LINE account. Not having much friends to contact, I browsed through the list a few more times before closing the app. It's useless. I plugged in my earphones next. Maybe some music will help me calm down. The list was on-shuffle... The first song played and it must be another sign. It was her favorite song.

You're toxic
You sink into me
You play with my heart
I fall for you again...

I started singing with just her in my mind. We used to sing this song frequently before. She has always told me that she was hooked to this song right after listening to it for the first time.

The images rushing through my mind formed a bittersweet collection of memories. I can still hear her voice in my mind. It resounds, every note does. It was that moment when I once again shed tears. Every time I remember her, I just can't stop my tears from falling. Maybe I'm crazy? Because I simply can't get over her even after so long... Feeling lost in deep thoughts about her, I let myself drown in tears again.