The Beautiful People

4. Jimbo

     When we walked into the diner, it looked no different than any other diner you'd expect one to look like. The cute little tables, the long bar where single customers drank their coffee while waiting for breakfast. It all looked right out of a movie, but the roadside diner was very real and looked spectacular. My gal and I took one of the tables and smiled like your typical happy couple as the waitress strolled over and handed us a few menus.

      "Would you like anything to drink while you check out the menu?" the waitress asked us.

      "I'll have coffee please," I replied politely, "Thank you."

      "Me too," my lady said, smiling back.

      "Alright," the waitress said, smacking her gum. "I'll be right back."

      As she walked away, I couldn't help but snicker just a little bit.

     "What is it?" She asked.

     "I'm sorry, Rachel." I said, covering my mouth up. "It's the gum. It's just so unprofessional. The only way she could be more rude is if she stuck it underneath our table."

     "I know," Rachel said, smiling back as she was clearly better at keeping a straight face than I was. "The sound of her gum was just as annoying. That smacking sound makes my skin crawl."

     "I can even see her eating it from here with her mouth open," I observed, "She looks like a horse trying to eat peanut butter."

     We both giggled for a moment but got it out of our system before the waitress returned with two mugs and poured us each a cup of fresh coffee.

     "Do you know what you want to order, hun?" She asked, in an unrecognizable drawl.

     "I'll take the cheese omelet." I answered, "Brown toast, and a side of bacon."

     "And you, honey?" the waitress asked, gesturing to Rachel.

     "I'll have the two egg breakfast special." She answered.

     "What kind of toast?"

     "White, please."

     "Okay then, honey." the waitress said, taking our menus. "I'll be right back."

     "Okay then," I playfully mocked once she was far enough away not to hear me. We both laughed as I took the sugar and started to pour four tea spoons into it.

     "Jim," Rachel said, "You said you'd try to cut down."

     "I am," I insisted, "Instead of cutting down on the sugar, I decided to drink less coffee. When this cup is finished, I'll have water instead of a refill."

     "Okay," Rachel said, with a tone that didn't seem like she believed him. We sat there for a few minutes, just enjoying the silence until Rachel stood up.

     "I have to go to the bathroom." she declared.

     "Alright," I replied, "No need for details. I'll see you when you get back."

     "Not if I see you first," Rachel said, as she grabbed her phone and scooted off.

     Swiping her cell was a detail that told me she'll be chatting with a friend and killing time under the guise of taking a stiff dump. I on the other hand didn't give a shit, pun intended, and sometimes wished she was more honest about it. I also took out my smartphone and started troll people on twitter while waiting for my meal. Moments later the waitress arrived and placed a few plates onto the table.