Death of an Average Lady

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I was driving home talking to my husband, who was out of town, when it happened. I don't know if he was drunk, sleepy, or just stupid, but a giant red truck struck me and I'm pretty sure that I'm dead.

I had just bought food for my husband's welcome home dinner, and now the wasted food and money is probably scattered all over the road. Who is going to feed my dogs? My mom, who would buy her the yearly orchid? Or remind my dad to take his medication? Who would call my brothers and annoy them at the worst possible moment? My sister, does she know I love her?

All these thoughts and questions swirled around my head. I was angry, I wanted children, I wanted to take care of my parents in their dottage. I wanted to rent a cabin with my husband. To take a trip with my mother, buy my father dinner, have a drink with my brothers, repair my relationship with my sister.

There's so much I have to live for, so many people I love. And this idiot killed me. I hope he gets punished.

For awhile I held onto my anger and worry in my heart. Then I was warm...I floated in a warm safe space where I felt loved and at peace. Was this heaven?

I passed the time remembering my life, my family, my husband. I remembered all the books I had read, songs I sang to, movies I watched. Everything played in my head. The good with the bad. My fights with my sister played along with the piggy back rides I gave her. My husband and I fighting over money and our first date. Every family trip played along with every family meltdown over monopoly.

I lied to myself and pretended that I was in a coma. That I would wake up one day in a hospital bed with my family and husband. I even started to worry about how I would pay for the bill. But I never woke up. And I was sure I was dead.

I was comfortable, but bored. Occasionally a warm glow would permeate my space, and I'd hear singing. I would press against the light or kick it out of boredom. Give me a book or something to entertain myself with.

Suddenly I felt pressure, pushing, pulling and squishing me from all sides. It hurt! This isn't heaven. This is hell.
I'm sorry for whatever I did to deserve this. Please make it stop.

I was squeezed and pressed together until I thought  I would die allover again.

Then I saw a bright light and was pulled forward towards it. There were screams and pain and I'm sure I was being pulled towards hell.

Finally I breathed fresh air and screamed. I couldn't see anything other than light and loose shapes. But I could hear a baby crying. Why was there a baby crying?

I'm the baby.....Crap.

Crap

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