TRY AGAIN :: ᴊᴀᴇʜʏᴜɴ | ɴᴄᴛ

4

You're giving me
a million reasons
to let you go

Million reasons// Lady Gaga

.

31st December 1950
Border between
North and South Korea

JAEHYUN STARED intensively at the black envelope he gently held with trembling hands, while he crouched down behind a stock of sacks as the attacks kept on going. The battle raw like never before.

He pursed his lips tightly, aggressively biting the lower one. He felt his shoulders heavy and his heart ready to shatter into small unreplaceable pieces, as the air seemed to be never enough for him to breathe properly.
The young man then finally decided that the time for the letter to be revealed had come, gathering all the courage left in him.

While making sure he was actually in a ”secure” place, Jaehyun slowly opened the dark coverage, still being careful with it. He took out a folded paper, a bit crushed at the sides as he made himself more comfortable, by letting his body meet the wounded ground.

Unfolding the white piece, a strange feeling gradually embraced him. He recalled the real meaning of the colour black used during those days, which made him think further about the whole issue: he was too busy guessing the content of the letter, without realizing that someone he knew surely died.

A bitter laugh escaped his mouth, as if the fact that a person left the world before him, a man way more vulnerable to death due to his current condition, was funny or something to be laughed of.
But the sad giggles quickly stopped when the male accidentally read a familiar name on the sheet, his eyebrows furrowing.

His heartbeat increased fastly

«I must be wrong.»

Jaehyun whispered to himself, panicking.

It couldn't be true.

Calming himself down, he fully spread the paper ready to read

❝Dear Jaehyun,

is mum here speaking. Hope my baby boy is healthy and safe!

This message will probably be given to you in December, so I'll wisely use this chance to wish you and your mates a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!
I and your father really miss you: your friends here are always asking of you and everyone here is looking forward to your victorious return, so make sure to live at least till when the grace will permit us to stay together and the years will give us the chance to do so...

I can't wait to have you between my arms, showering you with kisses and taking care of the precious son you are.
We're so proud of you, always remember that and please don't be too sad because of things that at this point do not matter anymore.

You're probably asking yourself why a black envelope was delivered to you, right?
Well Jaehyun, as you know the colour black is traditionally used to indicate the death of someone, but it's not easy...

How can I tell such a thing without putting you in a situation full of sorrow and pain?
Oh my dear, I feel bad and ashamed just by thinking of it... But I have to.

A couple of days ago Reira unfortunately lost her life due to a terrorist attack occured in the town's square.
The authorities have already found the criminals responsible for the act, who are now under arrest.

She was rushed to the hospital, along other innocent, yet injured people but as you can imagine she didn't make it.

Jaehyun, I swear the doctors did their best to save her, I would never lie to my only son, but unjustly as this is, her soul decided to leave for good.
Far away from the people who cherished her existence.
Far away from the man who loved her from the bottom of his heart.

My condolences, my dear Jaehyun.

You probably can imagine how writing such a letter hurts.
My eyes are red as blood.
My body is weak as a fragile flower

and if this is the way I feel, I wonder how you must be feeling now---❞

Jaehyun crumpled the letter in a fist, not even finishing it's content as his hot tears made his mother's ugly writing almost impossible to read.

He had enough.

The male threw the ball of paper somewhere in the field, not wanting to see such hurtful words ever again.
Although he loved keeping all the messages his dear ones usually sent him, he couldn't really stand holding this specific one: it was just too much to handle for him.

You couldn't balme him.

A person who loses a lover doesn't deserve to be blamed.

But yet the only emotion within himself was guilt.

Jaehyun sincerely felt guilty.

Tears and tears fell across his exhausted face, as he ran his dirty hands through his hair. The helmet eventually falling off.
Lowering his head, the boy cried out loud almost forgetting that he was in the midst of a war and that he could die as well without even realizing.

Suddenly whatever surrounded him, seem to shut down. Silence reigned in that small amount of time, in which the brown haired male finally met face to face with reality.

”People come and people go.
Life on Earth is nothing, but a little temporary journey.”

This were the words he would always say to people during a loss, but why was it that this statement sounded so cold and insensible in that moment?
What was the difference now?

He then understood: the point of view was different.
It's kind of easy looking at those type of situations with a stranger's eyes, you don't really know what's going on and sometimes you don't even care.
But imagine finding yourself in such difficulties, everything changes so drastically...
The way you look at things, the way you react at them and how you feel about them. Everything is totally diverse and Jaehyun sadly got that now.

If only he was able to go back to the past.

To protect her and to cherish her, the way she deserved.

It was simple, yet regretful to think about it, but impossible to put into practice.

«Life is so unfair...»

Jaehyun spat out, ruffling his hair.

He then rose his head up to the sky, only to notice stars filling the dark space. One shining more than the other.
Small ashes flew towards them, almost trying to block their sparkling gentle light, failing.

He unconsciously smiled at it: a smile dedicated to the pure soul that recently left this agonistic world, peacefully.
He would surely go through this boldly, hopeful that one day he'll have the courage to accept reality.

Finally standing up, Jaehyun dried his tears with the sleeves of his uniform and stretched out his legs, ready to go.

He deeply breathed in and out, while firmly grabbing his rifle as he started running towards the site where the mines kept exploding:

at this point it was a must for him to live,
his heart now beat for two.

unedited.

Author note:
I am seriously craving for feedbacks, lmao :')