Titania's Love Story

Chapter 19: Broken

When I was walking home I read my lovers new chapters and from yesterday I thought he kissed her lip on the lips but instead he kissed her om the cheek. Micheal didn't tell me that and got me thinking so much and I gotten confused from that night. And now he's mad and me and him. I don't want Micheal like that I see as a friend and a brother and now he's asking the girl he use to love to be his girl and my night mare is going to come to true and I don't want it that way. I thought he kissed her on the lips I didn't know it was on the cheek... And now I feel like a fool but maybe just maybe I should let go of my life. I want to fix this before it's to late, my heart beat is beating like no other my nervers are in shock and Mt friend is trying to keep me away from cutting myself but that wouldn't stop the tears that I'm shedding now... I was tellinf his brother how I felt and now I don't know what's going on and what to do....

'You didn't mean to hurt your lover but it's not like that not all, you was just explaining how to his brother how you felt when it came to kikyo that's all we need to fix this before it's to late... You know you can't lose another loved on just like Elijah he's all you have left if hee gone then your back to the start back, in the hospital '

In a way my heart was right I need to fix this but I can't stop crying I'm scared ans adfriad of losing him forever to kikyo I don't want his brother he was looking out for me while Matt was in duty and yea we said a few things bout the past but the past is in the past and I put the past behind me

Now we all know this one and that what I did hakanu Mata no worries. I put the past behind me but me being alone is the one thing I don't like cause his kept me alive all this time... Does he really wanna let me go cause over the confusing I had. He's alway like this jumping at conclusions without even getting the full story and the explanation and acts right away. I just hope he ask and question things first before acting right away then things end up bad. I feel like a baka cause I didn't know it was on the cheek and I was confused at that part and just sharing my feelings cause it'll only get worse if I kept them in then act like everything is fine when it's not.

'I'll die alone I can just see dying alone with out anyone to love and be abused forever during my life time...'

Part of me feels like I should go out in the streets and be abused forever... But I don't want to happened even tho that how I feel I'm at my limit to the point I want to cut I never cutted myself months I replaced the cutting with me starving and I don't think I'll have strength to eat dinner or anything else.. Just me and tears going to sleep tonight thinkin how much of a screw up I am.

"Maybe I derserve to die... " I said under my breath softly shaking really sont know what to do anymore. I don't want lose him , I'm laying om my bed texting my friend telling him what's going and what I feel and somethings I just really want to die for, I live for so many reasons but in reality I derserved to die back them but I live on with this pain and suffer so I can feel what others felt...what I seek I'm seeking out but it's unclear without my lover here....

I smile. Bright for others to be happy...

I cherish the moments I spend with Matthew and kept them in my heart...

Deep down even tho I'm broken I just want to feel important to him that's all I ever ask....

But after what happened, if he doesn't know how I fell in love with he should the first chapter again and see who I met first

(It's a good song and I like it)