Somebody to love | Hardzello fanfiction

Chapter 4

Joe

Fuck. Here we go again. The headache's back. I tried to remember what happend last night, but I can't. I was trying to open my eyes, but the curtains weren't closed and the sun was blinding. So I was just lying on the bed. I heard breathing. Not mine, obviously. Someone's here with me. But I couldn't remember who. I was thinking about yesterday. My last memory was when we finished shooting, and I was talking with Ben, I think? He asked me if I wanted to come over and... OH FUCK. Suddenly I rememberd everthing. All my memories ran through my brain like lightning. We were watching a movie last night. We drank wine and vodka. We both were totally wasted. And then Ben made his move. He kissed me, and I let him. And that is just the beggining. I don't want to go into details, but...we did some things I never thought I will ever do. Well, not with a man.

One moment later my eyes were wide open, I didn't care about the sun burning my retina. And then I saw him... I saw Ben next to me curled up in his blanket, sleeping so peacefully like a baby. When I looked at his face, pictures flashed into my mind from last night, and it made me shiver.

I looked around in the room, and saw my clothes thrown in the floor. I slowly got up, and quietly picked them up. I tried to dress up as silently as I can, so I wouldn't wake Ben up. Not only because I didn't want to disturb him, but I also didn't want to talk to him at all. What we did last night was a huge mistake, and I could only hope that this will not ruin our friendship. Ben and I got pretty close during the first weeks of filming. We built up a very strong friendship in a very short time, and this could destroy everything.

When I was completely dressed up, I was just about to leave, but then I looked back at him, laying there, probably not acknowledgeing that I was gonna dump him in the morning.

Maybe he won't remember anything when he wakes up. I mean, he was pretty wasted as well.

I knew I can't just leave, so I picked up a piece of paper and a pen from his desk, and wrote a note to him. It was short, but It was enough.

This was a mistake. I'm sorry.

I placed the note on his nightstand, and I left the room, not looking back this time. I carefully closed the door, and went in the living room. I put on my jacket and headed to the front door. I was reaching for the knob, when...

"Where do you think you're going?"

Ben

I have never felt so shitty in my entire life. It felt like my brain was gonna jump out of my mind and walk away. The sun was hurting my eyes, and my throat was dry. I needed water. I got out of bed, and went straight to the door, but something caught my eye. I turned back to see what it was, and I saw a piece of paper on my nightstand.

'This was a mistake. I'm sorry'

That's what it said. Nothing else. And that was the moment I realised, that Joe is gone. I slammed the door open and rushed out of it, running to the front door, where I saw that Joe was just about to leave. What the hell?!

"Where do you think you're going?" I was angry. I was confused. But most importantly I was broken because of the thought that he wanted to leave me like that in the morning.

"B-ben..." he stuttered. "Look, I-"

"You were gonna go away? Just like that?" I snapped. "Leaving me whit this fucking note?!" I crumpled the note and thrown it to his head. "After everything that happend last night?!" I wasn't angry anymore. All I felt was sadness. Nothing else. "Why?" I sighed.

"Look, Ben...I'm sorry okay? I know, I know I shouldn't just get up and leave like nothing happend, but... But like I wrote here-" he picked up the paper "-it was a mistake...It should've never happend." I looked down to the floor. I couldn't look him in the eyes. "Come on, Ben..." he stepped closer to me. "We both know that our friendship is way too valuable to ruin it with some kind of...fling..." I twisted to that. A fling, he says.

"This is more than that..." I finally looked at him. I felt a single tear running down my cheaks.

"No... It's not..." he said, opened the door, and left.

I leaned to the wall, and slowly sat down on the floor. My arms were wrapped around my knees, my head was buried in my hands. I know what we did was stupid. Damn it, of course I know! But it doesn't make it wrong. Perhaps, nothing has ever felt this right.

I also know how weird it is. I barely know Joe for a month, but the two of us got extremely close in an extremely short time. It was just so...Extraordinary. When I met him, he was so open and honest, he was kind and always happy. Our friendship really was special. But after a while... I couldn't help but fall in love with him. And not only him, but with everything he does. The little things, like when he always has some lame pun to say, even though he knows everyone hates them. For a reason, because they're terrible, but I still love the way he smiles after making everyone crazy. And I love the way he's always kind to everybody, always try to help people, and sees the best in everybody.

But today... he was like a completely different person. I never knew this side of him. I didn't even know he has a side like this...

However, I decided not to let him go. I will fight for this, because I know this is more than he thinks. I won't let this go away.