A Place In This Life

Chapter 22

I went with Todd to the rest of his consolidation treatments, sitting beside him in the infusion center while kids on either side of us played video games or talked to their parents. He would throw up in the car on the way home, just like the first time, but I was better prepared with a plastic trash can, lots of towels, plastic bags and a Pine Tree air freshener. Each time, he would need a couple of days to recover before asking me to come by. A real trouper, Todd was looking forward to turning 18 and being in remission.

He was due for a scan to see if the consolidation chemotherapy had put everything in check. If so, he would go into a maintenance phase of chemo for the next two years, but wouldn't be declared completely in remission until several years of clean scans.

"This isn't going to kill me — I always knew that," he said. I nodded, but thought back to his feelings about Dust in the Wind and life in general, believing that he had really been afraid in the clutches of cancer. Now that he was leaving it behind, he truly did shine.

His hair grew longer, welcoming the lack of poisonous chemicals in his body. The chocolate brown sheen of each strand returned and sprouted into a long shag. His skin color also warmed, with a slight rose tint to the cheeks and tip of his nose. Todd's lips softened and became a smooth, dusty rose color. And his skeleton rejoiced in a newfound layer of fat that covered his strong muscles without masking them. It was nice to not see every rib and vertebra. Having only known Todd as an emaciated, gray, and skinny person, he was quite the sight to see when healthy. My mouth dropped each time I saw him again after a few days apart.

"So this must be why all the girls chased you," I said, running my finger along his chest and over the scar where the Broviac had once resided.

"Yeah, I'm real smooth," he whispered, running his finger across my chest like I did to him, only stopping to admire our differences.

We spent a lot of time taking advantage of Todd's apartment whenever his mom pulled a double shift. I stopped freaking out about being naked in front of him, instead "jumping his bones" without giving it two thoughts.

Speaking of thoughts, I kept thinking about Alex, and decided to tell him how I felt in a letter I taped inside the locker on Valentine's Day. What did I have to lose?

Alex,

I finally decided to write you this letter. It all seemed so complicated at the time we met. How I felt for you then, and feel for you now, has not changed. Only the players are different, and I hope that you are happy with Kyra. You are one of the nicest guys I have ever met, and you deserve happiness.

There is one thing I want to ask you, and I hope you won't be mad. If, in 6 months, it doesn't work out for either one of us, would you consider trying again?

If you don't have an answer, I understand. The last thing you need is a crazy girl hanging around you, but if you do have an answer, please let me know.

Nally

My stomach dropped with each step I took away from the locker. I counted them, thinking I could turn back and rip it up. But I had to leave it there, telling Alex how I felt, and put into motion the possibility that, for some reason or another, we would be together again someday. Then I felt guilty because that meant I must be thinking Todd wouldn't be around... even worse was the reason why he wouldn't be, even though his leukemia seemed pretty much gone.

Apparently, my letter got a response, with Alex leaving me a voicemail while I was half-undressed with Todd in the back of the Bomba.

"Got the note. Let's see where we are in six months," he said in a soft voice. "I still think a lot about you."