Soldier in Winter (A Bucky Barnes FanFiction)

Tomorrow

Bucky woke up the next morning, his arm wrapped tightly around Ellie, her body snuggled up against his on the small cot. He shook himself mentally for holding onto her, and let go quickly, sitting up from the cot.

"Don't leave," Ellie's voice mumbled quietly. She suddenly sat up, nearly bashing her head against Bucky's, and gasped. "Shit. I didn't mean to sleep with you- uh- I mean- fall asleep in your bed!"

"I didn't realize it until I woke up this morning. I actually slept last night. No nightmares," Bucky said. Ellie nodded and stood up from the bed, stretching. Bucky took the moment to look at her. Her hair was long, coming down her back in brown locks. She was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, which revealed lots of skin. She had gained weight, going back to a healthier version of herself, compared to the starved woman from before. He shook himself out of his head just in time for her to turn back to him.

"How much money do we have left?" She suddenly asked.

"Enough for rent and food for three months," he said.

"I'm going to get a job."

"A job? You have to be careful, Ellie."

"I know! But yesterday, when I went outside to get some fresh air, I saw that the coffee shop down the street was hiring, and you've taught me more Romanian. I could work early mornings before any of you wake up, and I'll be careful. We'll have a go bag on the ready here in the apartment, and I'll keep one with me at all times at work,"

Bucky stared at her for a moment, "We have to keep a low profile, so if they ask for work papers..."

"I don't have any, so I'll just tell them I have to go get them and then come back here."

Bucky nodded. "Okay, then."

Ellie turned to get her shoes from by the front door, but Bucky stopped her.

"What about the kids?"

"They can stay here, with you. I know you've never told me about your past, but I know that I should take the job because you can't. I've been gone for two years, they won't recognize me."

Bucky opened his mouth, "You know that if they find you they find me. And if they find me, they'll find you."

"I know. We're in this together now, Bucky." She turned back to put her old sneakers on. Once she left the house, Bucky was left to his own devices.

At lunchtime, Bucky was beginning to get worried about her when she still hadn't come back. He decided to walk past the coffee shop to see if she was there. He left the kids, and locked the door behind him, going down the street towards the shop. He passed by and looked in.

Ellie's hair was up in a bun, and she was being shown the motions of work, and she was adapting quickly to it. She looked up from her work and saw Bucky peering in and she smiled. A genuine smile. He turned back and entered the apartment building.

The rest of the afternoon, he stayed in the room, keeping one watchful eye on the street and another watchful eye on the kids. Even though they were there, he found himself thinking. And when she wasn't there, he was thinking.

At first, it was about her, about waking up next to her. It hadn't meant anything, they had just been sleeping, but he had been close to her. He hadn't been that close to anyone, not at least not in his recent years. 

She had been warm, the skin on her arm was soft as he had his arm wrapped around her. Her lips parted slightly as she slept. The sound of her breath was comforting. At first, when he had woken up, he had analyzed her, in that split second. Height, weight, age, threat level, and whether she was his target. It wasn't the fact that she had fallen asleep with him that had jolted him back, it had actually been that he had designated her a threat for termination.

He started thinking about his last years as an assassin. He couldn't believe what he had done to himself, to others. He didn't want to do that anymore, but it was the fact that he had done it that kept him awake at night.

"Bucky?" It was Ellie calling his name that shook him back to the present. "Hey, where did you go, just then?" She asked quietly.

"To back then," he whispered.

"Are you ever going to talk to me about it?" Bucky opened his mouth to say something when Charlie came over and dragged Ellie across the room. They spent much of the rest of that night in restful quietness until Ellie finally put the kids into bed. She put on her clean pajamas that they had gotten for her months ago and came over to sit on Bucky's cot beside him.

"Are you going to talk to me now?"

Bucky looked over at her and sighed. "Before, I was a normal person. I went to the movies, I went out dancing. I was a soldier, in the Second World War, until I had an accident," he laughed a little. He looked up at Ellie whose eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"But you're- you're so young," she said quietly. He could feel her stiffening up, unsure.

"I was cryogenically frozen. They trained me- brainwashed me, actually, to kill people," he shook his head and looked down at his metal arm, tightening it into a fist. "They put this shit into my head, these words, and every time- every time- they would say them, I would hunt down people and-" he trailed off. Ellie was looking at him with eyes wide.

"Did they torture you?" she whispered. Bucky looked away from her and nodded.

"They did what they had to do to get me into submission."

"You killed people, Bucky, but did you do it for them? Or did you do it for you?"

Bucky was hurt by her question, "The only people I killed willingly were the enemies in the war. I could never... That thing that I was could never actually be me."

"I know, but you have to see it like that, Bucky."

"Why are you so-"

"Unfazed? I found out my father was a spy, my mother died, and then was kidnapping my brother and sister from the hospital and on a plane to Serbia within hours, Bucky. Nothing fazes me anymore."

Bucky sighed. "I don't want to go into it anymore, Ellie, I just am so tired."

"Okay, I'll let you sleep, then," Ellie said quietly. She started to get up to leave, but stopped and knelt before him. She grabbed his hands in hers.

"We're in this together, now, Bucky. No matter what you've done, I will be here for you, no matter what."

She kissed him on the cheek and turned away, back to her bed. Ellie wanted to hold him and let him know that she was there, but she couldn't. He just was the only man in her life that had been there for her, to support her in recent years.

"Goodnight, Bucky," she whispered.

"Goodnight."