Menagerie

Chapter 10 - Penny

The three of us piled into the van and clicked our seatbelts into place, but Jasper didn't put the key into the ignition right away. Instead, we watched Char and Simon pull out of their hug. He was talking to her, his expression all tenderness and empathy. I couldn't see Char's expression, but I could imagine how she must be feeling just now and as happy as I was that she had beaten the odds and found Simon, I was sad for myself.

We had only been on the road for a few days and already uncertainty was weighing on me. If I wasn't careful, that uncertainty would have me giving up on a lifelong dream... not that I might have a choice in the end.

Last night's party flashed into my mind and I forced myself to focus on the sight of Char and Simon climbing into his car and pulling away. It wasn't until their car was gone from our sight that anyone moved. "Let's go," Jasper said quietly. He didn't wait for a response before turning on the van and backing out.

Serena was sitting in the back with me, leaving the passenger seat open. She gave me a sidelong glance and I could imagine what she was thinking.

"You think I'm making a mistake," I said. I wasn't usually so confrontational, but then, my situation was unusually precarious. If it weren't for Jasper... it didn't bear thinking of what would have happened.

Whenever I thought of last night, my nose burned with the memory of his scent. I didn't remember much of what he looked like - it had been dark and my mind had been entirely dominated by that scent and a set of intense, dark eyes. His hands had been calloused but he had been so achingly gentle when he pulled me against him and slowly stroked up and down my body. I felt an uncomfortable tingling heat on my thighs and higher and it was an effort not to squirm in my seat.

"Are you sure you shouldn't find that man?" Serena asked gently. "It's not too late."

We had no way of knowing whether it was too late, but I didn't bother pointing that out. Maybe he was gone from this area like we were about to be. And even if he weren't, Saskatoon was big. How could I ever be expected to find one stranger?

I didn't want to find him anyway, I reminded myself. He wasn't my soulmate. Oh, he was as close as I had ever found, but I needed to believe that there was still someone out there who was exactly right for me.

"Penny?" Serena asked, all hesitation. She looked different now, more vulnerable than I was used to seeing her. Usually Serena was full of riotous confidence, but I knew she was trying to tread lightly with me and I appreciated her thoughtfulness.

"Sorry, I guess I'm still a little groggy or something," I said. It was the only truth I was willing to examine in the snarl of my feelings.

"It was a late night," she said. "I'm just wondering whether we shouldn't delay a little bit, see if we can find this guy again for you."

"No!" I snapped, then winced. "No, I don't want that. You know why I'm here. I'm just tired."

Only that was a lie. I wasn't just tired. I was confused and uncertain, and her questioning my choices was the last thing I needed.

"Just... hear me out, okay? I can tell that you keep thinking about him. Your whole posture changes and you don't look well. Maybe it's a sign that you should reconsider. You really couldn't walk away last night. Isn't that enough?"

"But I'm not feeling any kind of pull toward him now," I argued. "I can stay away when he's not right in front of me." But who was I really arguing with? I risked a glance at my brother in the rear-view mirror. His eyes flashed to mine, but I didn't get a chance to read their expression before he was looking at the road again.