Breaking Barricades (Levi x Reader)

1. ** Don't Walk Away **

I never was the trusting type. 

Too many times had bullshit and broken promises spewed from the mouths of those around me. Those who swore they would never hurt me were the ones who invoked the most pain. The hands that had once embraced me were the same used for assault. Those who said they would never leave me were the same faint shadows that I watched disappear from my life forever.

So, if you had told me that joining the Survey Corps would result in me falling in love, I would have beat the living shit out of you. What a cruel joke...

I had convinced myself long ago that love wasn't essential for my survival, that it wasn't worth my time. It may also have been due to the fact that my definition of love had dissolved over time, but it had sadly become shrouded by words better left unspoken, bruises buried deep within, and scars that would never let me forget.  Even so, it would be his steel grey eyes that somehow saw through me. he eyes of a man who witnessed more horrors in a day than many would in a lifetime would see behind my fake facade, where I had barricaded myself to numb my senses... the only way I could survive.

 And yet, it would be him, Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, deemed to be "Humanity's Strongest Solider," who would push my resolve to truly live.

  *****

Choosing between the Military Police, Garrison, and Survey Corps was an easy one. If I could escape this birdcage I was trapped in, wearing the Wings of Freedom on my back, I could finally fly away... Whether I lived or died after that was of no real importance.  I would fight for the chance to experience freedom, at least once, even if only for a moment.

I usually sat by myself at mealtime, preferring to be alone, unlike everyone else who crammed together to eat and converse after a long day of training. The fewer fake conversations, the better. My only focus was myself. That didn't mean I wouldn't mumble the occasional greeting to a fellow soldier, and I never failed to respectfully salute my commanding officers.  Honestly, I had figured out what the right amount of socializing was in order to earn someone's trust. And if my fellow soldiers trusted me, I could convince them that my life was worth just enough to save in battle. 

I had to ensure that I would be part of the next expedition beyond the walls, so I trained endlessly, making myself as strong and swift as possible. I was quick to ace the Vertical Maneuvering Equipment, mainly because I was so determined to fly. I noticed a few other cadets had the same familiar flame burning in their eyes. We were the ones who were driven by one specific moment in time; a point in our lives so defined by rage, agony, and terror, that it became the one thing we fought to forget... as if we could rediscover our own significance somewhere outside the walls.

Those with nothing to live for just became a liability to me. So, naturally, I distanced myself even farther from the weaker cadets. They would just be a burden, getting eaten by titans not too long after leaving the confines of the Wall. It would really just be a waste of time trying to get to know them anyway.

I mirrored the actions of the strongest soldiers, pushing myself to perhaps surpass even their abilities one day. I would live my life flying through the air like a bird, in a place free from boundaries. A place where I could revel in murdering the monsters that never let me escape my suffering. When I tell people that I would rather be in Titan territory than behind the Walls, I get the same expression every damn time: a face veiled in confusion and disgust. I humor myself by blatantly reminding them how easily the walls can fall. I knew Shiganshina and Maria wouldn't be the last of the walls to fall... and I would no longer be forced to both live and die in hell.

My relentless training had not gone unnoticed, as I was ranked first in my class by the time graduation came around. When I pledged myself to the Survey Corps, Commander Erwin Smith assigned me to the highly regarded Special Operations Squad, led by humanity's strongest soldier, Captain Levi. Neither of us was much for words, so most of our communication was said through nods of approval or sneers of annoyance. There was one huge difference between us.  Even though Levi's cold exterior wasn't too far off from mine, his sense of justice and morality, as well as empathy for his comrades, was insurmountable.