nineteen (bang, bang sequel)

attack and decay

song: all dried up - phantogram
are you with me now - cate le bon

-

l.p

-- come on, babe. did ya have to run off with my stash like that? you know i'll find ya, don't you, wildcard?

-- you can run from me, darling - just know that i've got everything on you to find out where you are. it'd be wise to come back to me. keep the pictures for old time's sake, i could care less. the miracle of making copies, huh?

another buzz eviscerates through my hands,

-- do you have any idea how much those photos are worth, lovely? i could publish them by tomorrow — the ones of you sprawled out in my bed, nude. i'd fail no consequence, except you, party boy. remember, you're not that long-forgotten just yet.

-- tick tock, liam.

richard,

as my phone vibrates through the bones of my fingers with the clear harassment, i feel my body curl into itself. the sounds of my fear strangle me, like haunting whispers and promises of my descent. skyrocketing into a scary manifestation of my nightmares. i can almost feel lips pressed against the back of my neck, as one arm of mine shields my legs to my chest. the other hand covers my ears, hoping i would stop spiraling in the front seat of zayn's car, as he flashes through the city. at this point, i hadn't even realized how loud i was crying into my knees.

"what's happening, liam? what's happened?!" i hear zayn call out from beside me in a panic, as the sky pours thick belts of rain across the windshield. my mind short circuits and my throat closes up, trying to find the words to anchor myself back to reality. but i'm totally fucked — horrified, actually.

i just have this constant feeling of shame and regret, bursting inside my stomach like a hoard of moths. i feel like i'm suffocating as i stare at zayn beside me, wondering how i could explain this to him. that somehow, my constant oversights led the person i loved to be involved in something so revolting and humiliating. richard knew about zayn and his apartment and god knows what else that could compromise his security. just the thought of it all causes my skin to crawl with violation. our privacy, my nudity, my daughter, danielle, i don't feel as though i own anything anymore. my life is now in the hands of someone so cruel and sick and it's all my fault.