Starving

4- "Fuck You Too."

I woke up with dried tears on my pillow. That son of a bitch made me cry. I don't often. The pain in my chest kept throbbing. My heart felt like it was going to pop out any second. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision. I got up putting on shorts and a big fluffy hoodie. I was going to be watching movies and eating my feelings away. This was always my plan when I'm sad. Food helps everything. It always solves my problems. The doorbell rang. I was hesitant to answer. I looked through the peephole and there he was. I walked away from the door. I wasn't going to put up with his bullshit. The doorbell kept ringing and ringing and then it stopped. It was finally silent. My head was hurting, the pain was unreal. I opened the door to see if he was still there. His head hit my floor and he groaned in pain. He rubbed the back of his head a looked up at me. "Bebe I-" He started to say but I slammed the door in his face. I slowly sat down against the door. I sobbed and sobbed. Tear after tear. Brendon started to bang on my door. Bang after bang. I opened the door revealing my puffy red eyes. I wiped the left over tears. But something right then and there happened. He engraved me in his arms, giving me the biggest comforting hug I ever had. His touch was warm and soft. I pushed him away. A tear left from his eye. He was hurt too. His eyes were red and puffy as well. "That bitch of an ex I had lied to me, she just wanted to get revenge and have me all to herself!" He sobbed out. I didn't cry. I didn't want to fall for his games. That selfish bastard. "I don't believe you." I spat out. I really didn't. I didn't want to either, I didn't want to fall for him. I didn't want to get hurt but so much for that huh?
I turned around and ran up the stairs. I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door. My mind was all over the place. My thoughts going back and forth, never ending. My body collapsed. Glass shattered on the floor as my body fell. My favorite vase was knocked down by both of my hands. I got up bleeding from my side. It was a deep cut but it made the pain numb. I pushed all of the papers and shit on my desk off. I screamed and yelled. I pulled every strand of hair I had. I was sick and tired. I couldn't take it anymore. My breathing was out of control and I lost my balance. I was losing too much blood. My vision became blurry.
I saw a figure and knew it was Brendon. He grabbed me, bridal style. I went in and out of consciousness. My eyes opening and closing. "It's going to be okay Bebe, stay with me please." Brendon sobbed. He grabbed the first aid kit and cleaned me up. He was acting like he was a doctor. He stitched me up which didn't even hurt. It just made the pain numb even more.
My vision cleared. I saw Brendon's face, his eyes were really red and puffy. Tears were falling off his face. His breathing was picking up its pace and his hands started to shake. "Brendon!" I yelled. I stopped his shaking. "Shhh...calm down it's okay." I said and eased his nervousness. I clenched my side wincing in pain. I cried out. "Bebe." Brendon gasped. "Stop." I said coldly. "Stop acting like you care about me, Stop acting like you give a fuck about me!You and I both know you don't. So why don't you go fuck that slut of yours you call an 'ex' because I know damn well you still love her and wanted her pregnancy to be true." I said with gritted teeth. Brendon choked back his tears and I could tell. The words that came out of my mouth stung him. But I didn't know it was that bad. His eyes watered and his fist balled up. "Don't you see! Damn it Bebe don't you see that I love you and not her! Open your damn eyes and look at me! Can't you see that I do care! I've always cared for you but you've never noticed! It's been pissing me the fuck off! Why? Why! Answer me god damn it!" Brendon yelled at me throwing his hands up in the air. I backed up losing my balance and falling to the ground. I sobbed. His face was full of regret. "Bebe I'm sorry I-" He started to say but I shook my head.
"Get out." I said harshly. Brendon stepped back.
"No." He said. "I got up wincing in pain and limping to my bedroom door. He blocked me with his body.
"Get out of my way!" I said pushing him. But I was weak. I didn't have the strength or power to push him away. I sobbed and ran into the wall. Or attempted to but he grabbed a hold of my hoodie. "Let go! Brendon please let go, please it hurts. If you really love me let me go!" I yelled and he let go. I stopped dead in my tracks. "You love me?" I asked. Brendon gulped. A tear streamed down his face. He nodded. I looked down at my bloody hands and a tear left my eye. Brendon came closer wiping the tear away. He lifted my face to meet his. His soft and gentle touch. I started to fiddle with my thumbs.
"You can't love me." I admitted. Brendon took a step back. "But I do." He said. "He's going to come back for me Brendon and if he knows I've been talking to you he might k-kill you-" I sobbed at the thought of my abusive ex. "Who?" Brendon asked. I didn't respond. "Spit it out Billie." He said using my real name, he was serious. I sighed. "My abusive ex boyfriend, Tony." I sobbed out. Brendon hugged me. I pushed him away but then again I was still weak. "Why do you keep pushing me away?" Brendon spat out. I shrugged wiping another tear. "Because if I get hurt there's no reason to be happy. Why would I kept fighting for you if in the end I get hurt?" My voice cracked. "I will never hurt you Bebe, I will protect you and keep you in my arms so you'll feel safe. I've never planned to hurt you. All I want to do is love you, if you'll let me." Brendon said, his jaw tensed. "I can't." I said. Oh how I wanted him I couldn't risk his life on the line. "I'm only doing this to protect you Bren." I said choking back my sobs. "Fuck you." He spat out.

"Fuck you too." I told him. Brendon left me crying on my bed. Sobs and cries continued. I grabbed a piece of glass. A sharp glass shard. "This will ease my pain." I whispered to myself. Slowly I eased my pain. My pain was numbing and my tears dried. Blood on the floor. And then I heard a gasp. There he was. Brendon on his knees sobbing as he saw me with a glass shard in my hand and bleeding from my wrist.
"Oh Bebe, why?" He asked through sobs. I closed my eyes for a little bit. I opened them back up seeing Brendon's face concerned. Something else was in his eyes. An emotion I've never read from him. He carried me to the room and again, he fixed me up.
"Why do you do this Bebe, I'm sorry." He said. "It's not your fault." I managed to say. His eyes bolted to where I was laying.
"Oh thank god your okay." He sighed in relief. I yawned. Brendon kissed my forehead. "Get some rest hun." He said softly, leaving the room. I gazed into the distance and fell asleep.