Butt fuck it? // l.s

Chapter 73: go crazy, go stupid

•••

"Use the star, you whore, you're in fucking last place!"

"Lower your voice, ma'am, I'm trying my best here."

Niall rolls his eyes and takes another large swig from his bottle. All of the boys are together playing Mario Kart and are all quite competitive except for Zayn, who can't give two shits.

"Zayn, come on, it's not that hard! Just press B!" Niall continues to shout orders, making wild gestures at the telly. "You're just running into fucking walls and shit. What a waste of a turn."

"Niall, calm down. This is just for fun."

Niall whips around and glares at Louis, who sits on the floor between Harry's legs eating a bag of crisps.

"Fun?" He spits out as if he has just been insulted.

The boys all turn to look at him, including Zayn who is still dead last and repeatedly hitting a wall.

"Could you quiet down a little, Niall? Your yelling is triggering my anxiety."

"I'm gonna go make some snacks." Harry announces suddenly, standing up from the couch only to be pushed back down by Louis.

"We're really not hungry, sweetheart. It's okay." He says, looking back at him with a small smile.

"Why the fuck is this dickhead Toad in first? He can't even reach the damn pedals."

"Neither can Louis but he somehow got his license."

"Oi, watch it. I'll have Harry come after ya."

"Oh, I'm terrified."

Zayn seems to be actually trying now, finally achieving a bullet from one of the boxes and making it to sixth place instead of twelfth.

"Look at my Zaynie Poo making it up in the world." Liam coos from the loveseat, feet propped up on the coffee table.

"Disgusting."

"Go choke on a dick."

"Zayn, stop. That word will trigger him."

Niall flips off the group. "Fuck all of you. You only want me for my beer."

Zayn scoffs. "That's a negative, pal. You only buy the shitty beer that tastes like water because it's all you can afford."

The boy is fuming now.

"You know what-"

"Hm?"

"That may be true, but-"

"That's what I thought."

Harry holds an iced coffee he made a few moments ago with some help from Louis and takes a sip from it. He immediately gives it to Niall.

"Try this."

Niall cringes away from it. "I don't want your Louis cooties."

Louis rolls his eyes before turning around and yanking off the lid along with the straw, handing it over to the boy.

"Drink it, pussy."

He looks annoyed for a moment but takes a sip anyway.

"Shit, this is good."

Harry and Louis exchange looks before staring back ahead.

Liam is rubbing Zayn's shoulders, giving him pointers as he continues to race. "Come on, babe, you're almost there! No, go right, you're gonna hit the wall again. Zayn, shit, you're gonna fly off the map—"

Zayn throws the controller on the floor. "I give up."

Louis arches an eyebrow. "The finish line is literally right there?"

"Why don't you finish it then?"

"Gladly. Harry? Help me?"

Niall scoffs. "It's mario kart, not play-with-each-other's-dicks time."

"I mean, it can be? Who's in front and who's behind, babe?"

Harry looks at Louis with a grin. "I think we kinda share that, babe."

"Awe, babe."

Niall scoffs and grabs the controller, finishing the race for Zayn before throwing it down again.

"You guys are unbelievable."

"Unbelievably adorable." Louis coos, bumping noses with Harry.

"Don't apples make you fart? Or is that just a suburban myth?"

The boys all stop and stare at Liam who was rolling an apple around in his palm.

"Sorry, was that weird?"

"I feel weird." Niall announces suddenly, rubbing his eyes. "What was in that coffee?"

Harry and Louis exchange glances once more.

"You sabotaged it! Oh fuck, I'm going to fucking die and it's both of your faults. Your going to prison for murder. Wait, then you guys can still fuck. I might have to take you down before I go..."

"Us? Sabotage? No, never." Louis snorts, shoving some more crisps into his mouth. "You'll be fine. No one is going to prison but there will still be dick activity going on."

Niall narrows his eyes and points a finger at the couple.

"Harry used to be all innocent and sweet before he met you. Now he's all weird and more like... you."

"Hey..." Harry pouts, puffing out his bottom lip.

"It's okay, sweets, he's just jealous." Louis says, kissing Harry's pouty lip. "Just make sure you're drinking plenty of water and drink alcohol with caution, bread boy. You're not dying."

"Shame."

Liam smacks Zayn.

"He's kidding."

Niall stands to his feet and immediately starts stumbling dramatically around the living room, beer bottle and the 'coffee' in hand. Louis rolls his eyes.

"It's not going to take effect yet. Sit down, drama queen."

"Feeling a bit woozy, I better go lay down."

As soon as Niall collapses onto the floor dramatically with a loud thud, he passes out instantly. Louis quickly grabs the two bottles so they won't spill and perches himself back between Harry's legs.

Zayn chooses to play Smash Bros instead of Mario Kart, which he happens to be slightly better at, and battles against Liam as they snuggle together on the couch.

All is well in the crackhead household. The wine cabinet fully stocked (untouched, of course), a new golf magazine on the doorstep, a pair of adidas trainers near the door, and some dildos sprawled on the unmade bed.

Life is good just living in the moment, no screen keeping them from each other. But, perhaps, a new group chat will form and they will meet new people?

Who knows.

Stay tuned.

-

hello all

THAT ENDING WAS AWFUL I SOILED IT IM SO SORRY BUT ILL TRY TO UH MAKE IT UP TO U

this book was a gay joke

butt fuck it