Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

The Beginning

February 8, 1986

Today was the day, audition day. I read the novella but I knew the movie was going to be great. The Body was going to be amazing. I was excited yet horribly mortified. I couldn't do it. My mom knocked on my door.

"Honey it's time," she chimed, tying her vibrant red hair into a twist. She smiled at me and rested her soft hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her and noticed her unattainable beauty and wished when I grew up I would be just like her. She was my best friend and role model - I tried to be everything she ever was and live up to her reputation - although I know that is virtually unachievable. 

"I'm ready, just a little nervous," I spoke in a light tone. She nodded with a toothy grin. I was ready; anything life was to throw at me. I got up from my unmade bed and walked out the door. As I jumped into the car, I felt butterflies. I couldn't do it. I looked up to the sky, and I knew instantly my dad was watching, wherever he was and wherever he is going.

My mom told me he died from pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, he never lived to see me grow up. My mom swore she would never let herself forget. I somehow swore to myself I was okay with it though - the idea of never knowing my father, although I really can't remember anything about him when I do think about it.

The drive seemed to be going really slow, but I wasted some time staring out the window and watched as the trees passed by in the rainy city of Madras, Oregon. Nevertheless, Madras is a beautiful place, full of fir and pine trees with a smell not like any other. 

However, we drove into a new side of town that I've never been to before. "Don't you worry C, you'll be fine," My mom tried to cheer me up with a light and gentle smirk. I rolled my eyes playfully and watched the buildings pass by.

We arrived. It was a huge building and many other girls my age were piling into it. I just wore a hand-me-down blue t-shirt and some loose-fit jeans, hoping that the judges would just like me for me. My hair fell down practically to my waist now and I was wearing some white high-top sneakers.

All the other girls around me were so pretty. They also seemed very prepared, I wasn't sure what to do, this was my first audition. You see, my mom wanted me to go into the film industry - she always stressed that "You meet the best kind of people; the chameleon types - the ones that can transform and write their world into their very own hands." I always kept that quote close to me because it made you think. I wasn't always sure though, I knew I loved watching movies and television, but I also knew that music had a much deeper connection to my heart.

I studied the script again. I had been practicing all month and I was dreading the moment I'd walk into the room. I had to play a damaged girl, broken by the sudden loss of my brother. I had to also act lonely as if I were choosing to be by myself. I would be playing the sister of Gordie or Wil Wheaton, the gorgeous hunk. I've had a crush on him forever and he always manages to make me smile.

All the girls seemed to be talking about River Phoenix, playing Chris Chambers, the loyal yet sensitive rebel. I never thought much about River. Sure he was cute and all but I never thought he was anything special.

"Ah, I remember the good ol' sixties when I was a young and aspiring actress. I know you can do it, sweetie," my mom said with a dispirited face. She started crying and I hated it. She was way too sensitive lately as if nothing was ever going her way. It was definitely very off from her normal happy-go-lucky self.

I walked into the waiting room and watched all the girls whisper their lines to themselves. They seemed to be stressing out more than I was, which made me feel a little better.

It felt like hours and hours until they called my name. Nerves rushed over me and I felt like I was going to break down, but I kept walking. The hallways were dark and mysterious as if they were trying to secretly whisper something to me.

"Hello, Christine," The brunette judge greeted.

I added a quick and nervous "Hi."

"We are going to ask some questions," he added, I nodded. "Have you ever been in love?" He asked. That was a little forward. Then again I was only 14. I had to lie, I thought. I would probably get the part if I said yes, but then It wouldn't be me and my mom always taught me to not let people change me. Oh, and I also hated lying.

"No..." I said awkwardly. All the judges wrote something down and I automatically knew I made a wrong decision.

"Have you ever lost someone? If yes, who?" A blonde judge asked. Well, this one is a lot easier than the last one. 

"Yes..." I hesitated for second thinking if I should be dramatic about it. "My dad..." I managed to spit out.

"I'm sorry..." She muttered. It was all awkward silence after that. "Okay, you may read the script." I nodded and flattened out my paper. Okay, I can do this. I swallowed and began talking. 

"Gordie... You're not alone." I felt like I came off on the wrong foot, "Y-you're always going to feel like that, but just remember that I'm here and I won't ever leave," I imagined I was talking to my dad and poured some more emotion into it.

"I won't ever leave you, Gordie! I will stay here in your arms forever. Mom and dad may not pay attention to us but forget them. We don't need them to pull us down," I finished off with a sincere look on my face. I could see a small smirk on a few of the judge's faces and I tried to contain my shaking.

"Okay thank you, Christine." I smiled back and popped a piece of gum in my mouth as I walked out. I let out a sigh of relief and fell onto the waiting room couch with my head in my hands. I had felt like I really messed up - I wasn't convincing enough.

Soon, there were no girls left. I was the last one. It was dark outside too... Like time skipped a few hours.