the boy from the library//andley ddlb

ok so this is chapter 7

**trigger warning- lots of talk about eating disorders and self-harm in this chapter**

"oh my god, baby why would you do this to yourself?"

he saw my cuts, he saw my cuts, he saw my cuts, he saw my cuts. i feel my breathing start to pick up and tears prick the corner of my eyes, my hands where shaking and i curled up in a tiny ball. i let the tears spill over and started babbling about how i'm sorry, and please don't leave me, when he cuts me off, "baby boy i would never get mad at you for some thing like this," he says softly. "i need you to calm down for me, just take deep breaths," after a few minutes i start to calm down and my sobs reside to quiet sniffles and soft shaky breaths.  

"ok andy, before i get you dressed can i check you for more cuts? i'm sorry if its a bit intrusive, i just want to help you get better." i just nod my head yes and sniffle a bit. he examines the cuts on my arms and the looks down my torso and chest. he sees a few red and pink lines on my hips poking above my pants.

fuck.

he wasn't supposed to find those.

he looks at me and and i just gaze to the side guiltily. he starts to take off my pants and that's it, he knows just how fucked up i am. he sees some more cuts all over my thighs and then he looks over my lower legs and ankles. there wasn't anything on my lower legs but at this point guilty tears where making their way across my face.

"sshhhh baby, it's gonna be ok, you still have til tonight when you need to be home so we still have a few more hours together, so lets get you a nice bath and  try to get you back into little space, how does that sound?"                                                                                                                                         

"m'kay," i muttered softly. he picked me up and took me to the bathroom and started running some warm water, "i'm gonna leave now, is that ok?" 

"uhuh," i mumbled as he shut the door leaving me in here. i slowly looked myself down in the mirror. i honestly hated my body and would do almost anything to look nicer. i started at about 130 pounds and over the course of about a year of starving during freshman and softmore year, i hit about 104.5 pounds, i maintained that and weigh about 104 exact now. i part of me knows that it's unhealthy, but another, larger, part of me will never be satisfied unless i lose more, it will never be satisfied until i hit the danger zone that is taking 104 down to 100,  taking the 100 down to 95. you see, i make small goals for myself, only let yourself lose small bits of weight at once; if you let yourself lose to much at once the people will notice, and they'll send you to rehab, and at rehab they'll stuff you full of needles and IV's that do nothing but force calories into your body, they'll force you to eat way way way to much, stuffing you to the brim. they put you on medication, and take blood samples and drug tests to make sure you take the medication, and if you don't take them then they will force them down your throat, just like everything else  

i decided that it was time to get into the bath so i slowly walked over there and slipped in. the warm water felt great against my bony, heatless body. one downside to losing all this weight is that i'm always cold, and i can never seem to get fully warm. the only ones who knew about me starving where cc and ash, both of which i know are just gonna try and make me stop. 

after about 20 minutes i got out of the bath and went downstairs. ashy was in the kitchen heating up another bottle, oh god, i don't know if i can take another one of those, because that would put somewhere around 250 calories for today and that's more than iv'e had in one day in weeks!

"hey baby boy," he said wrapping me in a hug, "we're gonna have another bottle ok."

"no, please, i swear i'm not hungry," but ashley cuts me off,

"your gonna have the bottle andy, you need to eat," ashes said sounding more stern than typical. i just looked down, on the verge of tears, "come on andy," ashley said, picking me up and walking into the living room, as he was about to sit down i started trying to squirm out of his grip, but all that earned me was a sharp smack to the bottom. i was blushing bright red as he sat down on the couch and wrapped me in the same blanket from earlier. he put his hand under my chin and opened my mouth, resting the bottle in my mouth. once again i decided that i had better just get it over with and started softly sucking on the bottle.

"good job baby boy," ashes coos softly. as i finished the bottle ashes sighs quietly, "we better get you home soon."

i whimper quietly, i didn't want to leave ashley's house. at least i would see him at school tomorrow, at least one good thing would come of that hell hole.

later on were pulling into my driveway, "g'night ashes," i say

"goodnight andy, i'll see you at school tomorrow."

**hi its adrian and i know that this chapter is a bit sad but i'm proud of it, i feel like its a bit better written than the other chapters

        -adrian, who has been adding bits to this chapter all day**