Taylor Swift / Kaylor - Begin Again

Chapter One

Ellies POV

I guess you could say I'm not your regular 15 year old girl who goes out gets their nails done, dyes and styles their hair, bothers with make up and hang out in shopping centres. I'm not a tomboy or anything, I still wear clothes that are in trend (try to anyway) but the whole make up thing just didn't interest me. I'm ugly anyway, it's not like make up would make an improvement. Besides, my nail beds are history too. Socialising is something that I don't often do. Making friends is something I find rather hard to do. I push people away, in case I get close to them and leave, just like everyone does. I'd rather keep myself to myself now. Why would I want to let anyone in anymore and cause more pain for myself? My story was my story for a reason, and perhaps I intend to keep it that way. People just judge me as soon as they see me anyway, so why would they even need to know anything about me when they have already decided what they think of me. That's one of my problems though, I care too much about what people think of me.

I live in a foster home, I don't like it at all really, but it's a huge improvement to my previous home. And I mean huge. Ok, I never really got love at home and don't exactly get it here, but at least I'm not having to deal with the things that I had to before and I was thankful for that. The lady who runs this place, Linda, well, I get the feeling she doesn't like me much. She's quite blunt to me. She sees me as trouble. Then again, she should know that's not my problem. But I can't change her view on me.

This place is full of 12 year old girls screaming about all these boys they "love" and want to marry when they grow up. Quite annoying when it's something you have to hear all day every day. Nearly everyday around the dinner table, they would all sit together with a pop magazine and go on and on about all these boys and take those stupid quiz's about what band member they would best be suited with. Even their walls and every inch of their bedroom was plastered with their faces. But they need to face reality and realise that we're care kids, they're celebrities, nothing good happens to us. And that's why we're all here, because the bad things happened to us, not the good stuff. That's how I see it.

The boys here, well I don't really talk to them, they mostly just hang out in the huge garden and play football. They're quite reserved, laid back and don't like to go around causing trouble, which makes a big change. They usually laugh about the 12 year olds and their sqeauling, just like I do, we usually share a few jokes about it, but thats as far as the socialising goes between us. They just get on with their own thing much like anyone living here. At least they weren't being horrible like the boys at school.

Ha, that's another sore subject, school. I'm just glad that I don't have much longer there. No teenager likes school really. But I despise the place. It's just another place that makes my life hell and the people there who like to make it double hell. I don't hang out in a big friendship group or even a small circle of friends. I just go for a walk at breaks and lunch while listening to music to clear my mind and prepare me for whatever lesson is next. As long as I stay out of people's way, I'll be fine.

Most days at the foster home, I just prefer to sit in my bedroom with my guitar and write songs and sing them. If I wasn't doing that then I was downstairs watching TV or reading a book while all the other girls read their glossy magazines with all these teenage heart throbs on the front, gossiping about the latest celebrity scandal. Those things don't interest me. There are few things that make me smile in this world, and that's music, a little girl here called Bella, and Taylor Swift.

Bella, well she's a little character. She's only 7 but she's so intelligent and can read anyone like a book. If she doesn't like you, she makes it known. She can tell what kind of person you are just by your first few sentences. Her instinct usually right, clever one she is. She's just like me, she adores Taylor. She would often come to my bedroom to listen to her with me. She's got the most adorable blonde curly hair and piercing green eyes. Around the other children she's quiet a lot. It's fairly obvious that she isn't comfortable around everyone. She's seen how I get treated by the girls my age, and I guess she's scared off the same thing happening to her. But she's really loved at her school. Bella is like a ray of sunshine, she's just happy a lot and walks around dancing and singing without a care in the world, until she sees someone of course. We both just sit around dreaming about meeting Taylor, sing her songs and just chat about her. I love that I have someone I can share that kind of thing with, even if she is 8 years younger than me.

Taylor has always inspired me to write my own songs. And my songs are based on what I'm feeling, every single emotion written down as a song, just like Taylor. I don't think I would have made it this far without her. Back when I lived at home and I was alone, I would just sit and listen to her music because her songs are so relatable depending on what situation you in. It's almost as if she actually has a song for every emotion you feel.

I'd love to be adopted and get out of this place, but at the same time, I find it hard to trust anyone. The trust I've had for people usually gets broken and leaves me broken too. But then again, anyone who came here to adopt wouldn't even give me a second glance, they all go for the stuck up snobby girls. Probably because they are actually really pretty. They act completely different when a possible foster parent comes to visit. They suddenly become polite and all lovely. When really, they're actually bullies. I've always been told by them girls I'm either too ugly to be adopted or I'm too messed up in the head and just pure abnormal. And to be honest, I agree with them. I know I'm unwanted, but they're just confirming that thought for me.

One perk of living here though, is that I don't have to share my room with anyone, all the girls my age, well, they hate me. They torment me and despise me and would love for me to "crawl back under my rock". If only I could. But it also means I get my own privacy, no one really comes in my room so I know I can get a lot of alone time in there.

In other words, you could say I'm only like by the younger children here. That's probably because yonger children aren't judgemental.They always get me to sing to them. They sit on the floor in a group and just request all these songs they want to hear. It's quite cute by also confidence knocking when the snobby girls make snide comments.

People usually say it's sad that I don't even have a best friend. I don't think so. I prefer to keep myself to myself. The last time I had a "best friend" was when she decided to spread something I had told her in confidence. The majority of school found out, and it would usually result in either verbal or physical abuse. And I guess that's where my trust issues come from. Piled on top of anxiety, and a list of other mental health problems. Which, oh yes, got me bullied even more.

Most of the time I just wish I was a different person, or I had a different life or I could just begin again.

But, instead, here I am, just some messed up teenager stuck in the foster system with no way out because I'm that messed up and that unwanted.