Horrible Histories Songs: Lyrics Book [COMPLETED]

Series 4: Episode 10: Mary 1st

Mary 1st:
King Henry Eighth my father,
Hoped I'd have some Tudor brothers.
Mom has no sons, so rather I got plenty of stepmothers.
When at last King Ed was born, the crown I bid adieu.
They said as King, he must be sworn,
Boys go first in the queue.

But there's no need to worry,
If at first you don't succeed.
When Ed died,
I swept aside,
The rest and was decreed.

Mary!
The First, that's me!
Tudor lady, and Queen of England!
Not to be confused with Mary,
Queen of Scots.
Not the same, see.
Though weirdly,
She's a cousin to me.

Some tried to say Lady Jane Grey,
Should be Queen after Ed.
But England wanted me, hurray,
So poor Jane lost her head.
Protestants were saying that my ruling made them sick.
'Cause when it came to praying, my tastes were Catholic.

They revolted, challenged me.
Fuelled my great desire,
To tie three hundred to the stake.
Light touch paper then retire.

Mary!
The First that's me!
Called the Bloody Queen of England!
Not what I intended tried to be,
Good you see.
But history, only remembers,
I was a catastrophe!

Married Phillip king of Spain,
Who then left me.
England he thought was a pain especially, 'Cause he told me to attack France
With troops.
And when the French advanced we lost Calais, oops!

Throughout my reign,
It rained and rained,
It poured upon the poor.
The harvest failed no food remained,
And flu killed many more.
Burned Protestants and wed a fool led armies to defeat.
Burned more Prots I say more rule was short but not that sweet.
I had no kids called half sis Liz,
As a big Queen Bess to be.
So long as she would rule the land,
As a Catholic Queen like me.

Lizzie!
Didn't listen she -
Made the country Protestant.
Meaning my legacy,
Was ruined see.
Everything I tried to achieve,
Went down the swanny!

(Spoken)
Bit embarrassing really.