Weekend Goal

Chapter 12 - No Regrets

So, they lost their first game of the season, despite the fact that I was on the bench for the entire game Cooper still found a way to blame me.

Okay, so I didn't stick around and watch the second half, but it was Bobby who'd wanted me to go train with the guys; it's not like I abandoned the team and begged Bobby to let me train with them. The team abandoned me!

I'd headed back to the changing room once the session was over, and I won't lie I was more than relieved to find it empty. I couldn't face Willow, you know, my so-called best friend. I couldn't believe that she of all people would stab me in the back like that. Ever since then I've been wondering if she was ever really my friend. I'm clinging to the hope that someone can't be that fake for so long, I can't believe it was all an act. But like, at the same time I hope the captain's armband was worth throwing away years of friendship.

I was sat on the bench, again, taking my boots off when the door opened with such force I thought it was going to come off its hinges. It didn't take two guesses to work out who it was.

"What the fuck was that? What game are you playing?" Cooper shouted — the vein in the side of his neck was bulging, and I thought it might burst.

"Obviously not the same game as you. Or did you forget that you put me on the bench? What are you playing at Cooper? You like losing or something?" I knew it was going to wind him up, but honestly, I didn't care.

"You know I don't," he'd said. "Are you that stupid Rose?"

"So, why'd you leave me on the bench then? C'mon Cooper you know I'm a better captain than Willow. You're the one who's being stupid. Stubborn and stupid."

"You're fucking insufferable Rose. I can't stand to be around you anymore," Cooper raised his voice again and kicked my boots across the room.

"Okay, I get it, you hate me. I don't know why. I don't know what changed. One day you say you love me, you practically move into my house and the next you fucking hate me. You said you wanted to marry me for god's sake, was it all some kind of joke to you? What did I ever do wrong to you, Cooper? Just put me out of my misery. Look you can hate me all you want, but let me play on the team this season and next season I'll be gone."

Oh god, I sounded so pathetic. As if I'd resorted to begging Cooper. But if he let me play, I'd be grateful for any game time, no matter how few minutes he gives me on the pitch I'd gladly take them.

"Well, sorry I'm not madly in love with you like you expect everyone to be. You're selfish and entitled, you're not used to anyone saying no to you. That's your problem Rose, you expect everything from everyone. But life doesn't work that way, not everyone loves you. I hate you! So does Willow. Everyone hates you, Rose," he shouted before storming off and slamming the door behind him.

* * *

After the way, we left things the other day I expect to be left on the bench again for today's game or at least I would've had I actually shown up to the game. I didn't go to mid-week training and I haven't bothered to let Cooper know either. Instead, I am walking the streets of Barcelona with Jacob, Mateo and our mothers.

"Let's have a photo together," Jacob says, as we stand amongst a crowd of people vying to get the best spot in front of the Sagrada Família.

Jacob stands in the middle of Mateo and myself, his arm over my shoulder and I can feel a lump form in my throat, I'm really going to miss him. I'm thankful for my sunglasses, it means no one can see the tears that are threatening to spill. Posing for this photo feels pretty fraudulent, here we are pretending that we're a happy family when the truth is that we've never lived that life. But Jacob rarely wants his photo taken these days, so I jump at the opportunity.

And that makes me realise how selfish I've been wanting to keep Jacob home with me. As much as it hurts I should be happily waving Jacob off to his new life in Barcelona, football at the academy; it's an amazing opportunity and I'd be an awful mother if I tried to keep him home with me.

"It's hard, I know," Mateo's mother says as if she can read my mind. "I had to wave him off when he was a similar age, but you have to let them live their dreams, make their own mistakes."

I wonder if she regrets letting him go. And if the mistakes she's talking about are me and Jacob. I mean he came to England and met me, I'm the reason he became a father at sixteen. Not that it changed his life the way it did mine — Mateo's dreams didn't change after Jacob was born, I had to put mine on hold, but that was okay, I guess, I mean I'd do it all again for him if I had to, I can have no regrets about living a different life than the one I'd planned.

"I've been thinking," she said without looking at me. "I've thought a lot over the years, about you. I think maybe I was wrong about you. I shouldn't have interfered."

This time Sofía, Mateo's mother looks at me, and I think for the first time ever she smiles a genuine smile at me.

"Mateo, he's had a lot of women over the years, and out of all of them, you were the one who asked him for the least. But you deserved the most."

I don't know where this is coming from, it's kinda fifteen years too late. Maybe things would've been different, who knows maybe we could've been a proper family, maybe Jacob would've had a full-time father instead of sporadic visits and video calls. It probably wouldn't have worked out though. How could I ever live up to that Russian model he married for fifty-two days when Jacob was three? Or that French tv presenter he dated for eighteen months? Then there was the woman he met on a night out in Madrid, they were married for two years.

No, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'd only have ended up heartbroken, but maybe I wouldn't have met Cooper then. Life with him has hardly been all fun and games, but I keep repeating the no regrets mantra over in my head.

"Mum, mum, over here," Jacob shouts happily and waves over at me. "Let's have another photo, just you and me."

As I sit next to Jacob smiling as wide as I can this is the one time I don't mind being on the bench.

"That's a good one," he says with a smile. "You can change your Facebook photo to this one if you want."

"Okay," I take my phone and change the photo straight away; it takes Cooper less than ten minutes to click like and I immediately regret not unfriending him. I won't let it ruin my weekend, maybe it's some sort of virtual olive branch; maybe things will be different when I get home.

Sometimes two days can feel like forever, but in the grand scheme of things, forty-eight hours isn't much time at all. "I'm really going to miss you, so much," I say as I hug Jacob at the airport. For two days while we've been together I've almost been able to pretend that this isn't happening, it's like we've been on holiday or something, but now it's time for me to go home. And I'm going home without him; it just doesn't feel right. It's like I'm leaving half of me behind.

"Come and visit me all the time," he says, "you could come every weekend, she can stay with us, can't she dad?"

If only it was that easy. "I have a job," I say, but it's not just my job that would stop me visiting every weekend, I couldn't stay with Mateo, that's never worked out before, things end up getting complicated.

"I'll come as often as I can," I promise. We hug for what feels like an eternity, but even that wouldn't be long enough, I'm not ready to say goodbye, but I know I have to. This is Jacob's chance to live his dreams, and if I don't let him go we'll both live a life full of regrets.