Lone Ranger

Chapter 2: Career and Love

For me, being a firefighter is about serve myself for the nation either time or energy and I'm all ready for that. Being in a desired position is a bless. It is better to be drained of energy from the work that we love. It is a passion. Being in an unstructured schedules and long working hours is a challenge for me to a viable work-life balance. The working schedule of a fire investigation officer consist of an average of 42 hours per week. For the purpose of regular working hours, a day shall be defined as 24 hours on duty. Each working day shall commence at 0800 and run for 24 hours from that point. The following days after 24 hours on duty is a leave. However, I tend to take my leave to settle out my report on cases. I tend to settle things out right after the cases since I'm not a last minute person. I'm still okay with it im preffered doing some work since I really don't have much to do whenever I'm on leave. I didn't even realize until one of the saddest episode in my life take turn. The conflict between love and career began to rise.

Apart of being a firefighter, I loved to write. I love art. I always attend to a theatre show, public reading as well as art exhibition during my leave. I found it as one of the method to relieve stress causes from work. It is the best therapy. During attending a theathre show by my junior in my previous university, I met a guy and I think it can be considered as my first love since I never liked any guy before. He also also a senior from the same university and the same batch intake as me and surprisingly we never met before. Its probably due to the different faculty and he was graduating first before me as he was in engineering faculty. We're sitting next to each other and both of us are coming alone. 

"Hi you, im Kay. You?" He's starting the conversation right before the show started.

"Hi! im Jeanne...You coming alone? " I'm greeting him back and smile to him.

"Yes I am. You too?" His eyes landing right into my eyes . He's trying to be friendly.

"I am. I actually got invited by the junior from this college as an alumni to watched the show." I'm try to explain thing a bit longer to avoid any awkward moment.

"Seriously! I'm also an alumni from here. Batch 2008/2009." Oh my it was the same intake as mine. How come I never noticed him before.

"I guess we're from the same intake previously. May I know you from which faculty?" The conversation getting interesting knowing both of us actually from the same batch intake.

"Okay its getting interesting now! Im from engineering faculty and you?" This time I think he's getting interested on knowing about me.

" Im from medical faculty." No wonder we never see each other before since our faculty was in a different campus.

" I bet I have to call you doctor now...Dr... Jeanne..." Oh my please I'm not a doctor now.

"You shouldn't call me a doctor.... I'm actually a firefighter now." I don't know why but this time I feel like why I don't be a doctor. Its been a long time I'm not called a Dr Jeanne. Kinda miss it.

"Oh Okay. This is more interesting than ever!!! Shall we have a drink after this show if you're free?" I didn't expect that he seems more interested on me than before.

"Sure! " Since I don't have any other plan after the show. Why not right.

That event remark the first meeting between me and my first love. Right after that whenever we had the same off day from work, we're frequently went out together for theathre show, movies and for a date of course. Even though both of us were busy with our work, we will eventually make a time for a date. He never complaint about my work and I didn't have much time for a date. I thought he's the one that I would shared my life with since he can understand me well and of course because I loved him. After about four years knowing each other we began to think to be more serious in this relationship. He proposed me and I do accepted. I brought him met up with my family as well as him. He introduced me to all of his family member. Right after that, we began to make a simple preparation for our engagement. I feel so excited on everything. I never dream off a grand wedding. I just wanna a simple wedding as well as an engagement. We're planning everything ourselves despite a busy schedule from work. Im designed my own dreaming wedding dress as well as engagement dress. I choose the material for that dress on my own. We're making a separate preparation since we have the different off day. During my off day, I went out for a movie after doing some shopping for my engagement ceremony next coming week. While I was about to buy a ticket from the counter, guess who am I meet? I meet my future fiancé with a very beautiful lady also line up at the express counter to redeem a ticket. I looked at them, they seem pretty close to each other, my heartbeat getting increase and I'm all about to burst but I'm still in control.

Last night text;

Hi dear, I'm having my off day tomorrow. Lets watched a movie together. I'm texting him.

Hey sorry dear. I'm having an important meeting. Lets meet up next time okay. He do reply me. I'm never doubt him whenever he can't make it for me because I knew he always understand me and I think if we love someone, we have to trust and understand. I'm not that someone that always overthink. I already have a lot of my work to get overthink about.

Kay finally noticed me. He knew I was looking at them. He holds that girl hand and move towards me. I'm about to faint see all of this scene. Who I am to him. A lot of question rising in my head.

"Hi Jeanne, this is Diana..Diana this is Jeanne" Kay introduced that girl to me like nothing had happen.

"H....Hi.. Diana. Nice to meet you. Who is she Kay?" Im about to lost my words. I try to act like nothing happen.

"Shes my girl Jeanne.." Kay smiling at me and look at Diana." By this time I lost my word. Im about to cry but I will never weak in front of them. I will not loose. If shes your girl how about me Kay. We about to engage next week. Why you do this to me.

"Diana.. Can you buy a pack of popcorn for us later. I will have a talk with Jeanne first okay?" Kay talking with Diana and she was nodded.

"Can you explain to me now Kay..." I talk to him. My can feel that my eye feel like a pool of water now.

"Sorry Jeanne, I didn't mean to let you know by this way. I loved her. She was my collegue. I'm finding a right time to called off our engagement..." Seriously he think it will be solved by sorry. Im speechless.

"Okay.... Do you have any other thing that you wanna talk for the last time." I'm have to be strong and I'm not going to look weak in front of him .

"Jeanne...I'm sorry okay. I'm not the only one should be blame in this matter. You ask yourself. Do you really love me? Do you ever care about me? You always someone emphasized on your work. Your career is everything am I right. I need someone who need me and I know u didn't. Afterall, I'm sorry." Seriously I feel like to punch his face afterall I'd been done for him, hes doubting my love and blaming me whenever its clear that he was the one cheated on me.

" Okay... I bet that's all from you right. I will walk away and never look back. Don't you worry okay. Just be happy Kay...." I try my very best to still like act that nothing happen. My heart already broke into a pieces and I am not okay.

" Jeanne... Please don't tell Diana what happen between us before. Shes don't know anything about this and I don't want her to leave me. I love her so much." Enough is enough Kay. More words you speak up its more harder for me to bear this.

"Don't you worry Kay. I'm not you." That is the very last word I told him. A dream to built a happy family is burst into a pieces. I thought all this while, Kay was okay with my work because he never told me and hinting me anything. Trust me Kay, just even if you tell me about it I will try my very best to fix and figure it out. I don't even know he doesn't want too dependent girl. I thought guy loved the girl that can do everything alone. I never told him that I was jealous whenever he told me that he went out with some of girl from work. I just though guy just don't like a clinging girl. This is my first love and this might be my last love. I learnt a lot. I won't fall myself again. I will not ever looked back. My heart just explode, I couldnt stop crying and blame myself for everything. Whatever it is, this first love teach me a lot. Its just like a puzzle that I would love to solve. When I'm in love , all the pieces perfectly fit whereas when it get broken, I don't even know im gonna get everything back again. I will walk away. I will.