5 September 2014
Dear Zayn,
This is by far the hardest letter I’ve had to write (so please excuse any tear stains). I guess I’ll tell you why. It’s not like you’re going to read it, but it feels nice to pretend that you will. So I’ve been going to therapy at Liam’s request, and the doctor suggested I write this final letter to you as a sort of goodbye or “final closure” I guess. At first it was incredibly hard to accept that you were gone and that I’d never see that sunshine smile of yours again (you know, the one where your eyes go all crinkly around the edges and you stick your tongue behind your teeth?). Still is, really, but I’m slowly coming to terms. I’m grateful for the time we had together. Although they flew by, those several months I knew you were the best of my life, honestly. You made me feel as though I actually had something—someone—to live for again.
So um, yeah, I guess I really just wanted to thank you. You made me see that maybe I am worth something after all. Maybe I do deserve love, although I don’t want it from anyone but you. I may as well start stocking up on cat food because I’m going to be a crazy cat man(??) for sure.
Confession: I know that I’m supposed to be “moving on,” but I’ve saved all the letters you wrote me and since you’ve been gone, I’ve taped them all inside the cupboard where Liam can’t find them and yell at me or, god forbid, take them away. I like the familiarity of seeing your handwriting and I can practically hear your voice reading the letters to me out loud in that adorable accent of yours. It’s comforting.
I just wanted to let you know that I may miss you, but I’ll be okay. You might have taken a piece of me with when you died, but I promise I’m not going to do anything stupid because I know you wouldn’t have liked that. As long as I have Ying-Yang to cuddle at night (I pretend it’s your hair I’m burying my nose in, by the way), I will be all right. So what I’m trying to say, I guess, is that you don’t have to worry about me. Besides, I think Liam does enough worrying for the entire fucking human population, so there’s that.
I love you so fucking much, Zayn. I wish I would’ve told you sooner, but I trust that you’re smiling down on me from up in the clouds as I write this. I’ll miss you so much, baby. Wait for me up there? I love you.
Your favourite fuckable blonde,
Niall xxx
P.S. I made you one last CD. Have a listen for me, will you?
1) Dear Darlin’ – Olly Murs
2) Dreaming – Smallpools
3) 1,2,3,4 – Plain White T’s
4) Reflections – MisterWives
5) Lost Stars – Adam Levine
6) Be Still —The Fray
7) Wherever You Are – 5 Seconds of Summer
8) Kiss Me Slowly -- Parachute
9) Believer – American Authors
10) Au Revoir -- OneRepublic
11) Goodbye Song – MKTO
VOTE<FAN<COMMENT<Love you<3
(I may or may not have a little surprise for you if you want it?? Let me know!)
YOU ARE READING
Alcatraz
FanfictionZayn Malik. One of the most notorious gangsters of the twenty-first century. Niall Horan. Just your average University journalism student. The two were so different from each other. They were never supposed to come in contact at all. They were neve...
