If I Love Myself[On Hold]

Chapter 3

Good Enough, Cimorelli

Quotes;

Don't chase after people
Who walk away from you.

Chapter 3.

     Hurrying past rows of houses and corner stores, I wrap my arms around myself, steering clear of large groups of people. I keep my eyes glued to the end of the street as I hurriedly head past a cluster of men, their laughter ringing in my ears, like an alarm bell going off in my head. I do not look back.

     The sound of whistles make me freeze, unable to refrain from not looking, I crane my neck in order to see who they had whistled at. The large group of men are all staring at one person, me. The hairs raise at the back of my neck and I struggle to keep my breathing steady.

     The tallest one among them winks at me, raking his almond-shaped eyes over my thin frame. The longing in his eyes bore a resemblance to those of Julian, who had the same lust in his before he.. can't think about that right now.

     Quickly turning on my heel I practically sprint down the street, bumping against pedestrians as I desperately attempt to put distance between us. Careful to try and avoid any more physical contact, I hurriedly make my way towards the end of the street. The end, right now, seems so far away.

     Giggles and shrieks capture my attention upon nearing the park. I look over and smile at the sight of children, enjoying a childhood that I never quite experienced. Leaving my previous fear behind, I slowly head over to the park bench.

     Sitting down I allow myself to relax, watching the children run aimlessly around the playground. Way to go, Cyrus. Stalking is such a great look on you. Picking at the loose skin on my fingernail, I continue to stare.

     There's just something about kids, their innocence and ignorance. Too bad this world will strip that from them, like it was never there in the first place. No one is safe.

     I scan the park, feeling a false sense of security. "I wish I was this little again."

     "Don't we all."

     Jumping slightly at the sound of a voice, I turn and see a guy standing beside the park bench, smiling softly at me. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you like that."

     Quickly standing up, I frantically brush hair in front of the bruise on my forehead, keeping my eyes on the ground. Breathe. This is a public area, he can't hurt me.

     "Are you okay?"

     "I'm sorry. Y-you can sit, I was gonna h-head somewhere else." I respond, stumbling backward.

    "Don't apologize, you're good. Actually, I'd like some company."

    I shake my head, "Have t-to go."

    He frowns, "Oh, well, it was nice meeting you. Will you be here again?"

    Meeting his gaze for a brief moment, I see Julian's eyes staring back at me. Shaking my head, I hurry in the opposite direction. Anxiety fills me with panic and I glance back just in time to see a little girl running over to him. Not everyone is out to get me, I remind myself. 

     At least I hope not.

     Knocking on the door I shift from one foot to the other. Slowly the door opens and out steps Julian, his hair is unkempt and bags are under his eyes. I caused this.

     "After the way you treated me you have some nerve bringing your ass back here." He says, coldly, rubbing his badly bruised knuckles.

     "I'm s-so sorry." I sob, wiping at the tears on my cheeks. "I promise I-"

    He holds his hand up, and I flinch, bracing myself once again for an impact that never comes. "I can't do this, Cyrus. I'm tired. You have made it extremely clear that you don't care about me as much as I-"

     "Th-that's not true, please, believe me Julian! This won't happen again!"

     Latching onto his wrist, tears begin to cloud my vision. "I do, please, I am so sorry for everything! I should've never hit you or ran out, you do so much for me. I need you, Julian!"

     Julian folds his arms, examining my demeanor. Cocking his head to the side, he lets out a sigh. Gesturing for me to come inside, I hurry past him.

     "Th-thank you." I murmur, once inside, and Julian closes the door behind himself.

     He opens his arms and I quickly hug him. Julian holds me tight and I can't help but feel safe, I need to do better. He's all I have.

     "I'm glad you've finally come to your senses." He whispers, rubbing my back. "I knew you'd come back, are you hungry?"

     As if on cue, my stomach growls. Julian pulls away from me with an amused grin. "I'll take that as a yes," he chuckles. "I'll go make you a plate, but you are going to eat it this time.  Now make yourself comfy."

     Sitting down on the couch, I wrap my arms around myself. I can't keep messing this up. Just need to do as he asks and everything will be alright.

     After a couple of minutes, he returns from the kitchen. Julians hands me a plate and I take it from him, uttering a small 'thank you' under my breath. Shoving a mouthful of beans into my mouth, he studies me, waiting.

     "How is it?"

     "G-good, as always."

     The corner of his mouth twitches and his fingers begin to curl. "Good, just good?"

     "It's delicious, y-you took your time when making this." I add, noting how he appears to relax. "Th-Thank you for m-making this for me, I don't deserve it."

     Grabbing the nearest blanket, Julian wraps it around me. Sitting down beside me, he puts an arm around my shoulder. Pecking my cheek, he pulls me closer to him.

     "Look at me." He demands, and I obey instantaneously.

     Julian grips my chin, bringing my face closer to his. "You try to leave me again, I will make you regret it, you understand?"

     "Y-yes."

     "Do you love me?"

      I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I-I love you."

     "Tonight, I'll show you just how much I love you." He promises, and heat begins to rise to my cheeks. Oh God, not again. 

A/N

Thank you so much for reading this chapter of If I Love Myself, it really means a lot to me! How do you
feel about their relationship?

1. Do you know anyone who has been in a similar situation?

2. How can I improve upon this story to make it more realistic?

3. Have you ever been
in a similar situation?

Have a wonderful day!

( ˘ ³˘)❤