If I Love Myself[On Hold]

Chapter 11

Thoughts, Jacob Lee

Quote;

Don't blame yourself for not
knowing what you know now.

Chapter 11.

"This is Barbie!" Michelle hands me the doll. "She look like me, right?"

I nod, smiling gently. "Yeah, she does."

Michelle grabs my hand, leading me out the living room and up the stairs. Once we get to her room, her little fingers twist the doorknob, struggling to get it open. I reach to help her but before my hand touches the door, she yells.

"No, got it."

Jerking my hand away, she finally gets the door open. Grinning up at me, she grabs my wrist, ushering me inside. Michelle knocks against her nightstand, and the lamp crashes to the ground.

"Hope you like them, beautiful." Julian smiles, shyly. "I know how much you love sunflowers."

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do that!"

He sets the flowers down, cupping my face into his hands. "You deserve them and more. I love you more than life itself, you know that?"

"I-I love you too."

Julian's face lights up and his lips press gently against mine. Eagerly, I kiss him back and he pulls me flush against him. Gripping my waist, he guides us to the couch, bumping into the coffee table along the way.

"Let me show you how much I love you." He whispers, kissing my neck.

Pulling away from him, I shake my head. "I'm not ready. Not today."

"That's fine, I won't force you into anything you're not comfortable with."

That was the first day I said I love you to him. His eyes lit up so quickly, I could feel his heart racing when he kissed me. Julian was so gentle with me, patient. I'll go back, when I can be better for him.

When I can be the woman he needs me to be.

"How do I look?" I ask, happily twirling around. Smoothing the dress down, I turn to face him and am met with a disapproving gaze.

He steps forward, placing his hands on my shoulder. "You look beautiful. I don't think that's appropriate to wear outside though. Don't you think?"

"I think it's fine, babe. I mean, it's not incredibly short or anything. When am I ever gonna be able to dress up like this again?"

"Around the house," he gestures. "I am the only man who gets to see you this way."

Giggling, I gently kiss him. "You don't need to be so protective of me all the time, I'm not going anywhere. Now can we go, I don't want to be late."

"I know you aren't going anywhere." He says, forcefully. "Neither am I if you don't change out of that fucking dress!"

"Julian, it's not that serious."

"Don't tell me what's serious and isn't, bitch! I took you in here, took care of you, and loved you! Do you see anyone else lining up to do that for you?"

"Julian-"

"Answer the damn question!"

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. "N-no, no one else has done that for me."