The Red String of Fate {DISCONTINUED}

Maybe it's true

                                         Emily

It's been weeks. WEEKS I tell you. 4 weeks since I've been tracking my "thoughts" of course. I seriously never thought this would be true, or that I would ever say this, but, I'm gay. Bisexual to be exact. I did all of my research, and some soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that through a lot of souls searching, music and late night thoughts. I did think I was pansexual at first and I'm still questioning myself, but, I'm only 16 so I don't expect to know it all now, so I guess ignore my "to be exact" line. But one thing is for sure, I am attracted to girls.

I haven't come out to anyone though, I'm going to wait a year or two, or however long it'll take me to get used to being gay so I'm keeping it in between me and my family for now. Holy shit I can't believe that I actually came out to them. Well, my parents are pretty chill and very much hippy-like. Hence, where me and my sister Lauren get it from. But I never ever thought they were homophobic so telling them wasn't the hard part. The hardest part was that I just felt like I had been lying to them, even though, I never once said I was straight, it's just assumed. So, I cried like a baby when I told them, and my dad held me till I fell asleep.

But ever since then, everything has been normal really. No awkwardness or hatred, just the loving bond that we'll always have. I wish coming out was like this for everyone, and that every family was accepting and loving of their child no matter who they loved.

During my month-long process, besides my sexuality, there was also something constantly on my mind. And her name is Lilia Charlotte Buckingham. I know, how the hell did I go from denying to being head over heels for my BEST FRIEND. It started with my first week of discovery. I started to really question if I truly have feelings for Lilia or if it's just an innocent friendship. Lilia is a busy, hardworking, badass. And the first week of my discovery she was out in New York having meetings and spending time with her mom and we didn't talk 24/7. And if you can't tell where this was going, I'll tell you. I COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER.

It went from sliding to my notifications center looking for her name, to refreshing every single one of her social media accounts every 2 minutes, to watching fan-made ship edits of us. I googled shit like "Am I in love with my best friend?" and "How to tell if you're falling for someone". I know, it's bad, but once again, you can't choose who you fall in love with.

The worst thing about this is that this isn't just anyone. This is Lilia Buckingham we're talking about. Getting over her won't be easy, and I don't even know how I'm going to handle this. Plan A is to get her to set her up with someone else, which will break my heart, yes, but, it'll save our friendship which is much more important than my silly crush. Right? Anyway, Plan B is to set MYSELF up with someone else. I know, ridiculous, but, also another potential way to get over Lilia. So maybe if I put myself out there it'll lead to something good. Last but not least, Plan C, is to out myself to Lilia and tell her about this crush. Maybe it'll lead to something good, or me being heartbroken, but, you know what they say, SEIZE THE GAY!

Song of the chapter: Wish you were gay
-Billie Eilish