Shawn: An Almost Memoir

Chapter Eight: Remembrance of the Insane

"Insanity is a slow trek down a steep mountain. You have to keep climbing if you want to stay out of the valley."

To those of you that are still reading this sad tale, I have come with a...bad turn of news. Shawn's cancer has now spread into his brain. So however much time he had left has now been cut in half. My father had called me and had informed me that Shawn had gone into the ER a week ago for shoulder pain. While there, they found out that the cancer had spread to his brain. He is willing to do radiation in order to possibly lessen the cancerous tumors that now reside in his brain.

What my father didn't tell me was that they were making final preparations for my uncle. I fought the tears, but a few of them peaked out before I could stop them. I wiped them away and went to practice. You see, the one thing that I have always loved about Shawn is that he embraces differences. Every single different type of difference that you could possibly imagine.

Shawn loves a lot of people, because they were different. He is always looking out for others, watching over them like the guardian angel that he will soon become. He has been my best friend, uncle, second father, and brother, for the last sixteen years. He has been a huge part of my life and now knowing that I have to let go, it really hurts. It hurts to think that now he won't get to see me graduate, or get married.

The most painful part though, is when I think about my children and how they'll never get to meet their great-uncle. They won't get smacked in the forehead, and they'll never get to ride a motorcycle with him, or anything else. They won't get to go hunting with him or hear his sarcastic jokes. I grew up with Shawn's teasing and...and that was his way of showing me that he actually loved me. Shawn has always defended me no matter what.

He has always loved me no matter what I have done. I could kill someone and everyone could point the finger at me, but Shawn would probably be the one who would be burying the body. That was supposet to be funny, I'm sorry if you didn't laugh. This is just so hard to know that he is going to...and now...now he is going to be gone for the rest of my life. He is only 36 years old, so why should he have to suffer? Why does he have to die?

My father has been posting things on his Facebook that have been upsetting my grandmother and I. I commented on it with the quote at the beginning of this chapter and Shawn replied with, "Well put my loving lil Twurp." My father didn't comment and neither did my grandmother. I don't expect either of them too honestly. Just because Shawn is dying does not mean that we have to act like he is already dead.

Remembrance of the Insane...meaning we should love him and remember him before he became sick, as he was crazy and the man who would die protecting his family and friends.