i drink green tea mixed with honey in the sun
i forget all my problems for a second
i'm at peace with myself, with the world
then you text back
and we talk till my tea gets cold
and i'm reminded of how much i like you,
even when you treat me like a second-
no third- option
i'm growing kinda tired of you, honestly
but i can't seem to let you go
you hindered my growth,
made me feel smaller than
a thousand granules of sand
but
i still wonder if we would've
ever had a chance
if you texted back
faster, if i was
more your type
if-
so many things could've gone right but now i'm
sitting in the sun debating whether to leave you on read or wait for you to do it instead.
you only talk to me when it's convenient,
when you need something, and
if you leave me again, i'll grow sad until i can't do anything but pick myself up and rebuild and regrow and
maybe i'll bloom again and
maybe you'll come back again and
maybe we'll start over but
i'm tired of starting over.
i just wanna be pretty and left alone.
i don't want you to come back if you're just going to grow cold and make me question where i went wrong because (and this took me a
while to realize but)
i am not the problem.
so i sit here and wonder
what the wisest move could be
and i sit here and wonder
why do you only come back
when you see me doing
good for myself, by myself?
why do you love to play games
with my heart?
when you left me lonely
you gave me time to think
and so i think
i never needed you.
i drink green tea mixed with honey in the sun.
i listen to the sounds of birdsong
and grass swaying in the breeze
while the smell of lavendar
envelopes the air around me.
a year ago
i would've liked if you
had sat next to me
but today,
i read your text
i turn my phone off
and i smile.
