Goodbye Henry

Tidlewave

My body felt a tidlewave of emotions.

Life moves on. I couldn't be sat here stuck forever that Henry was gone. I couldn't sit here and pretend it didn't happen because nothing can stop time moving on so dwelling on it only makes it harder to finally let go.

I had to let time do its thing and let it make things easier. Let it push my best friend into past memories and nothing but them.

-Christmas-

I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I let that happen.
"Hey..." A soft voice said as I opened my eyes and Henry crouched down near me.
I looked at him to show I had noticed him but I didn't respond.

"Look" he sighed and paused "I'm sorry I shouldn't of done that..." His voice rushed out the words as he unlinked his fingers and spun to sit closer. He didn't look at me though.

"It's..." I paused "it's fine" I smiled and reached out my hand so I turned his face to meet mine.
He smiled too, that classic smile.

"Maybe it was a bad idea" I let go of his face and let my hands fall into his.

"Can I ask why?" He took my hand into his and didn't take his eyes off me.

"Because Henry" I paused and looked at our hands "because it's us Henry" I sighed and just looked at him because how else do you end something like this?

"Exactly Lu, it's us!" He stood up and kept my hand in his to pull me up too.

"Lu we're perfect, I don't know why I only just realised it but we are..." he took my face in his hands so I had to look up to him. His eyes had never been so green and freakin dreamy.

"Henry..." I looked away

"Lu I get if you don't feel the same way, but I'm right" he let go of my face and instead held my hands.

Maybe he was right. I couldn't do it though.

"I'm sorry Henry" I retracted my hands out of his.

He didn't respond he just looked down.

"It's okay Lu." He moved closer and kissed my forehead before turning away back into my room.

He didn't linger but just slipped out of my hands.

All I could think was why now? Why now did he see me like that, and why didn't I?

I stood watching Henry through my door way. Watching him pack his things up and not look at me once. I saw his eyes stop gleaming and instead stay dull. I hated seeing Henry hurt.

As he moved out my room past me I grabbed his arm.

"Henry I'm really sorry" I said it and heard my voice crack a little.

"It's okay Lu, maybe I shouldn't of done it" he smiled and his eyes lifted some of the dull embrace.

"I just need some time to think okay? I love you Henry I just need to consider this" I pulled myself closer to him and looked up at his eyes.

"Okay, but don't force yourself" he smiled and put his bag down to hug me.

I really did need to think about it, about how I felt and what to do.

-present-

I'm glad I didn't date Henry. After all as I said it would be harder to loose a first love as well as a best friend.

I just wish things could go back to how they were. Before I lost Henry. I wish I said yes to starting our project and that way he would of left later and survived.

I couldn't blame myself though, i couldn't of done anything. When death is decided for a person it's decided so avoiding it will just push it to another time, it's unavoidable.

Henry was the wrong person to be taken. It should of been me, me who only had my mum and no siblings. Henry had no parents but he had Joy and Joy needs him and he is so good with people, that he'd make new friends no problem.

I wish I had taken his place. Henry would be able to move on easier than me, he was always good at inspiring stuff and facing things like they were.

It's like it's always been said, the world can change in a moment and what was a dream can become a nightmare.

This was my nightmare.

That moment when my life was a dream and that moment when Henry was killed made that dream a nightmare.

I had to move on which was he single hardest thing i would ever have to do but i couldn't stick around when nothing  would change, i had to let go on the most important person in my life because he wasn't coming back.