hang out in your heart

i won't try to fight the drug you are

Stevie opens her eyes, vaguely acknowledging the pounding in her head as she weakly studies her surroundings. She recognizes her hotel room; she’s still in Birmingham. She thinks back on the previous twenty-four hours, recalling her outing with Lindsey and his kids, the near-miss of the night before, and closes her eyes again. She still feels like a fool.

She hears a faint knock at the door, and Karen sticks her head in. “Ready for coffee?”

Stevie nods, burrowing deeper into the sheets in an attempt to shut out the world for just a few more minutes. Karen returns with a steaming cup, eyeing her critically as Stevie takes it gratefully from her. “Rough night?”

Stevie studies her cup of coffee with all the fascination of a fine work of art. “It was fine, why?”

“Your eyes are still puffy. Will you please just let me cut Buckingham’s balls off?”

Stevie smiles appreciatively. “This time it wasn't his fault. Not really.” She takes a sip, ignoring the look Karen is giving her. “I'm not lying. He was actually lovely yesterday. Too lovely, as it was.”

Karen sighs, but lets it go without another word on the subject. “Well, I set up a spa appointment for you. I had a feeling when I saw you go off with him all day yesterday you might need it. You have an hour before you need to be there.”

Stevie smiles at her gratefully as she leaves the room. For once in her life, she actually isn’t mad at Lindsey; she's mad at herself. He had given her a glimpse of everything she never knew she wanted, and she had found herself overcome with the magnitude of the emotions she usually keeps tamped down. It was a foolish mistake, one she should have seen coming a mile away.

Another soft knock on the door pulls her from her thoughts, and she rolls her eyes, calling out, “I’ll start getting ready soon, Karen, just give me a few more minutes.”

Karen sticks her head in the door again, and this time she looks annoyed. “That’s not why I’m knocking. You have a visitor. I think you know who.”

Stevie sighs. She had expected this. “Go ahead and let him in, it’s fine.” She gets up and prepares to do battle, wrapping a robe around herself to provide extra armor. She sits back against her pillows and takes her last sip of coffee as Lindsey walks into the room, tentatively sitting on the edge of her bed. She keeps her hands wrapped around her coffee cup even as they itch to brush the mussed up hair away from his forehead, a sign he's spent the morning fretting. “Hey Linds.”

“Hey sweetie.” He looks at her carefully, and she wants to wipe that concerned look off of his face. She isn’t made of porcelain. “So after last night I just wanted to-”

She cuts him off before he can get too deep into his I’m-worried-for-you routine. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

He smiles indulgently. “You just seemed upset…”

“I’m fine.” She looks him in the eye, her gaze unwavering. She doesn’t want him to think she’s too weak to handle the existence of his family.

“Stevie. I really don’t want to fight. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

“I’m not mad at you.” And she isn’t. No more than usual, at least.

“You’re not happy with me either, though, are you?”

“You did nothing wrong.” She shoots him a wry look. “For once in your life.”

“Very funny,” Lindsey attempts a retort, but his eyes betray him. They always betray him. She can’t bear to look into them, can’t take his eyes piercing into hers like this, like he’s expecting her to break any minute. She feels like she might.