CALVIN

thirteen: the pee bottle

"Look, guys, we can't have it both ways," said Patrick, as we all gathered in the living room. "We either leave pee in random places, or we don't."

Leon, who'd just come back from a long session in the gym, leaned over the back of the club chair and said, "wait, what's happening?"

"Denis drank Schneider's pee."

Schneider, who was standing off to the side, suddenly erupted. 

"It was not my pee!"

"If it wasn't your pee, then who's pee was it?" yelled Patrick. "Who was the one pissing all over the house last night?!"

"I pissed in a Redbull can, not a whiskey bottle!"

"Yeah, and what's going to make me believe you didn't piss in both?"

Leon's eyebrows furrowed; he leaned forward further. "My question is: what's Denis doing drinking whiskey at eight in the morning?"

"Denis sabotages his body in many ways," I said from the couch, "a nice morning sip of whiskey on a Sunday is just one of his methods."

"Let me get this straight:" said Leon, "Schneider peed in a whiskey bottle, left it out, and Denis went to drink it this morning?"

"I did not - "

"Exactly, Leon. You know you're going to get expelled for this, Schneider."

"For the last time!" he yelled. "I did not do it."

"Maybe Calvin did it," Ehsan suggested.

I shook my head. "He wouldn't do that."

"Well," said Patrick, "me and Elias were upstairs, which leaves Schneider, Leon, Ehsan, Nikita, and Jesus."

"Patrick, I passed out! I went to bed before you and Elias went upstairs!"

There was tense silence in the living room for a moment. Patrick looked around awkwardly, then said, "he does make a good point."

"Great," Schneider said, breathing out. "Meeting adjourned."

"Not quite. Mr Taylor needs a name of who did it before Denis gets out of the hospital."

"Well, it was none of us," Nikita said, lounging in a club chair. "Besides, I don't want to tell on anyone."

"I'll do the telling." Patrick assured. "As long as you do the finding."

...

"Hey, Elias. What are you doing?"

Maddy was walking towards me. I was on the beach volley ball court. I took my headphones, which were attached to my metal detector, off my head. "Denis drank someone's pee," I told her, looking down.

"So... What are you doing with this?" she gestured to the metal detector.

"Well, we're supposed to find out who's pee it was. So, if I'm honest, I don't really know what I'm doing with this. I just really wanted an opportunity to break it out."

She nodded. "Cool, I guess? Wanna talk?"

"Talk? With me?"

"Yeah."

"Are we not... are we not talking right now?"

"No, but, actually. Like, without the metal detector."

"Oh." I put the metal detector off to the side, and followed Maddy down the hill. 

It was a cloudy day. Maddy and I were walking in the direction of the lake, which was far off in the distance, but was a steely mirror. Her hands in the pockets of her puffer jacket, she walked with a sort of purpose.