There's nothing left.
You are every single piece of me. You are all that makes it worth it.
You hate me. I thought it was a joke.
I don't hate you. I mean that.
I won't come back. I promise. I'm sorry.
I should have never done this.
I'm stupid.
Thank you for everything you have put into me.
I have never felt so drawn to another human being.
I fucked up.
I constantly do.
I'm angry at myself.
I am so fucking angry at myself.
I don't deserve anything good.
I think i've finally lost you.
I pushed you past your limits.
I feel empty.
If you don't come back, I will not blame you.
You deserve everything.
All I ever do is make you angry.
It's so fucking awful how much I miss you.
Not a day has gone by since the day we met that we haven't spoken.
I feel pathetic having to leave my family's house and walk home alone so that I can cry without question.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just sneezed."
"No. What is it? Are you fighting with her?"
"I just sneezed," I laugh, but my eyes are welling with tears. "Can I please have the house key?"
The entire way home, the otherwise silent air was filled with broken sobs.
It isn't that you're gone.
I understand you need space.
It's that I pushed you so far past your limits that you don't want anything to do with me.
I hate myself for being this way.
I hate myself for having so many fucking issues.
I wish I could explain to you that i'm just asking for patience while I discover you.
Instead, I think this was my last chance.
A wasted chance because I am a fucking idiot.
I think I was so close to being yours.
Instead, i'm sitting on my couch.
Shutting down.
Missing you.
"Why is your face so red?"
"I've been rubbing it."
"You okay?"
"Yes mom. I have allergies," I laugh again.
She stares at me.
"That's the oldest in the book."
I laugh again. Anything to stop me from crying.
She leaves me alone.
I wish time would go faster.
Please go faster.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I need everything gone.
Everything but you.
I'm so hurt.
I just want you back.
I will fix this.
I will fix me.
I will make things better if you don't give up.
I don't blame you.
I pray to a god I don't believe in that you don't hate me forever.
My fucking god I miss you.
I put everything into you.
I've cried so much i'm numb now.
I am pathetic.
I am vulnerable.
I am emotional.
I am lost.
I need you.
You are a part of my life.
You are my life.
You're all I have.
I don't want anything else.
I want to come back to you.
Everyday.
Always.
Angel.
I wish I could take it all back.
I wish I wouldn't have fallen asleep last night.
Maybe I could have fixed it before it got like this.
Now look what i've done.
Ruined everything.
Ruined myself.
Probably ruined us.
Every time I think I can't do anything else wrong,
Every time it's going good,
I fuck up.
I am the one to blame.
I created this.
I shouldn't have ever allowed myself to be this way.
