pizzaface | ✓

25.

 NOEL COULD feel the ground give way beneath his feet, but he was not going to fall. The tunnel vision that he had suddenly accumulated disappeared in a flash and all of a sudden he was hyperaware of Myron's stunned expression, his grandparents confused one and Maisie's borderline malicious one.

"Noel?"

"Who's this Danny dear?" Maisie had spoke, breaking the momentary spell between Noel and his Dad.

"I'm his son."

"Noel let's just go into the kitchen and sort this out-"

Four years. It had been four very long years since Noel had seen his Dad, four birthdays missed, with pain, heartbreak, happiness and cracked smiles, school plays, grazed knees, failed driving tests, sloppy attempts at a summer jobs, the lack and abundance of friends, and the absence, the tall dark looming absence whenever Noel had to sign forms with his Dad's name and address or whenever someone would ask 'hey, where's your dad?' and the profound emptiness that would follow, because he didn't know. He didn't know where he was and he didn't know if he wanted to know.

"No. No I'm not going to go and talk to you." Noel found his voice was surprisingly steady, yet that didn't stop himself from grinding his palms together as a vapid attempt to slow his increasing heartbeat. "Because I didn't come here for you."

Noel's eyes met Myron's head on, who opened his mouth to speak quietly. "Pops, grandma I think we should go." Roderigo and Esmeralda nodded in quiet agreement, they said nothing to Maisie and Danny before leaving as quickly as they came.

That wasn't what Noel had wanted.

"I'm going to check on Rory." Maisie spoke in the same quiet tone as Myron before retreating up the stairs, nothing but crushed rose petals and fake smiles left in her wake.

"Noel, we have to talk, I-"

"I don't have anything to say."

"But I do." It was weird for Noel hearing his Dad talk, it was overwhelmingly nostalgic and familiar but it hurt so much, seeing the same blue-green eyes bore into his own was more unsettling than comforting. "I didn't mean to leave in that way, that day, I don't know, I don't know-" Danny inhaled a sharp breath before dragging his large bare hands across his face in an exaggerated manner. "I don't know what your mother told you, but it wasn't supposed to happen like that."

"So how was it supposed to happen?"

"I-"

"You didn't even think to...I don't know...Call on the phone?"

"Your mother-"

"My mother was there for me when you weren't." As much as Noel tried to keep his voice steady, it cracked at the end, his throat noticeably becoming dry and prickly.

"Noel-"

"Do you know what it was like!" Noel had began to pace, his stupid bright red shoes slapping against the wooden floors with an angered force. "You got in that car at the end of that day, one of the most terrific, amazing days I've ever had-" Noel's eyes started to well up at the sudden influx of memories, but he was so mad that the tears didn't fall, they only blurred his vision. "And then you didn't come back." Noel stopped pacing, drawing to a halt by a skewed picture frame of Maisie, his Dad and a small child with bright ginger hair, dark eyes and a sparkly gap toothed grin, the grin made Noel's stomach flip over, it felt like his.

"You know what the worst part is." Noel's eyes were still trained to the photo, yet he reluctantly planted them onto his Dad's wary frame.

"If I had never shown up today, I probably never would have seen you, because you probably never would have told me. You probably didn't want too."

"T-that's not true-"

"Dad!!!!!!!" Danny's stuttered monologue was interrupted by a small child with tons and tons of freckles on his face, arms and legs, his eyes were the same dark inquisitive look as the photo Noel was looking at previously, his hair the same carrot red. He was running into the room in a frenzied haze, stopping shortly by his Dad's legs. "I'm awake from my nap, mum said I should come downstairs and ask what we're having for dinner."

"Rory, I'm kind of busy right now, I'm talking to someone."

"What are you talking about?" Rory had began to swing on his Dad's legs as if they were monkey bars, his small legs flying in the air haphazardly.

"Well as you can see Rory, I'm talking to someone right there."

"Dad! You silly bean! There's no-one there!"

And sure enough when Danny lifted his head away from Rory's hyperactive presence, Noel was gone.