AISLE 14 | 2YEON

Feelings

"I could never hate you, Nayeon" I said and she chuckled. Her sweet, like-honey laugh echoing through the woods.

 I never came here with people, this was the only place — apart from the school's roof — I could be alone. I could just sit there for hours, looking down at the few cars moving inside the town in complete silence. Only me and my thoughts. That very spot was very special to me. And I don't even know why I brought Nayeon there, or maybe why I trust her so much to bring her there despite the little amount of time we know each other. 

"Where do I start?" she questioned and turned her body to the right in order to face me. Her breathing was already heavy, white marbles biting down onto her bottom lip.

"I don't know, smartass." I mumbled in response, trying to tease her, but she didn't talk. Her porcelain-like face holding the expresion of fear, or maybe even doubt.

"Okay. So, as you are already aware I am new to Gimje," spoke Nayeon after a while and it seemed like the few birds that tweeted completely stopped just to hear her talk. "And as I have told you, my father is the sheriff. Which means he is in charge of basically everything." the girl breathed out slightly, her shoulders tensing under the light of the sun that slowly faded "What you don't know and most likely would like to is why the reason I am here. Why did I move from my luxurious house in Seoul to a small town? Or why I do not have the basic communication skills, why am I not familiar with ways to have fun, or perhaps the basics of a teenager's life." the serisounses in her voice was slowly fading away, what seemed to be overtaking the girl in white was her feelings. 

Nayeon was always collected around me, she always had good manners and respected me. I have never seen her, all these hours we talked about how the world might end or if the aliens will take over in fourty years, so emotional. Emotional, not sad, or at least not completely. It looked like she has been wanting to take everything out of her chest for a long time now. 

"Why am I here?" she started again after gulping "It might sound stupid, but I don't know either. One day, I woke up and father told me we are leaving Seoul." Nayeon said "And of course I had to listen to him! He is always right," she spoke kind of sarcastically. "He tried to convince me it was about his career and about how much he missed his hometown, but of course, I didn't believe him. I never do anymore." 

"Why n—"

"Because he has always been manipulative," the girl in white cut me off, reading my mind. "From the time he met my mother, and probably even before that, until today." Nayeon rolled her eyes. The tone of her voice had completely changed from sad to angry in a matter of seconds.

The girl closed her eyes as she put her train of thoughts in order and, as soon as she calmed herself down, she looked at me again. "He was destined to marry my mother," she explained "Both of my mother's and father's families made a deal from the day they were born. They even made contracts!" Nayeon said in disgust "It's a thing in my family, I guess." she mumbled and I looked at her in confusion. 

Before I could even ask another question, she held her hand up, stopping me. "The contract said that when my mother turned eighteen, on the day of her birthday, she was supposed to marry my father. The wedding would take place in the groom's family house and everyone from both families was invited."

"That sounds..bad" I whispered before she could finish her story. Nayeon nodded in return, a sad smile appearing on her face.

"And my mother hated him, my father I mean." Nayeon spat "They knew eachother from when they were infants and he never had respect for her. She opened up to me about it on the night of my sixteenth birthday, she wanted to make sure I knew what was coming." she said and I furrowed my eyebrows. 

What was about to come? What is she talking about?

"Anyway, the wedding took place in the house I'm now living in, thirty-seven years ago today," she continued and looked down for a split second before moving her gaze on my face again "And as you have already suspected, my mother didn't want to get married. Not to my father, not to anyon." she said "My mother, she..." 

It seemed like she didn't have the right words to continue the story, like what she was about to say was the biggest secret ever revealed. Her expression made it look as if it was the worst thing to have ever happened in the history of the world. 

"My mother, was one of those. " she said.

"Those?"

"She was..a lesbian." she spoke slowly.

My eyes widened, my breathing suddenly stopped. The sounds started to slowly get muffled by the loud beating of my heart as I tried to keep my composure in front of Nayeon.

"She was sick, " Nayeon spat "And at the day of the wedding she brought her equally sick g-girlfriend to the wedding." the girl hesitated "She tried to get away with that girl but failed. My father kicked the other girl out of the house and with the help of my grandfather closed my mother in the 'Room' in order to be cured." 

Cured? 

"After two years or so, she finally got out and married my father. Since she was healthy and didn't have nasty feelings anymore, she got pregnant and gave birth to me." Nayeon continued.

I felt my eyes tearing up and my head spinning. It felt as if I was slowly dying. The only thing that reminded me I hadn't died was the painful beating of my heart, it beat so loud I thought I'd just puke it out.

"And so, my father set as a goal to never let me turn out like her." the girl in white said and sighed, shaking her head.

It would've been an understatement to say that I felt knives being shoved in my chest, making me bleed so much that I was slowly letting go of life. It felt even worse and I couldn't figure how to describe it, or why it hurt so much. 

"He didn't want me to get sick like her," she said in a low tone "And so he decided to keep me locked out from the world."

How could she? Out of all people, Nayeon? The person I grew incredibly close to in a small amount of time, the person that made me laugh with their cluelessness, believe in such bullshit? But what did I expect?

"Hey, are you alright?" she stopped telling her story for a while and moved forward, her hands hovering over mine.

How could I be fine when the sweetest and most adorable person, with the most beautiful smile and most breathtaking face just confessed their disgust about people who are attracted to the same sex, people like me, people who had fall—

Nope. No. That's not happening.

"D-don't touch me," I whispered, tears slowly blurring my vision "Take the keys, go home. I'm out of here." I let out while shooting up from my seat on the rock.

"Wait! Jeongyeon." Nayeon shouted as I passed her the keys to the motorcycle and started to walk away "I'm not done!" she shouted again.

"I am, though." I mumbled to myself and I stormed away from her, running out of the woods.

Once I was out of sight and speeding down the hill, I finally let my tears fall. It was the best yet most bitter feeling I had ever experienced. 

"Fuck feelings."

-kimwig