Damsel in the Dust

31

Shawn.

Shawn is here, home early, and standing between me and my phone. I have no way out, no way to call for help. The only way to move is forward. I try to think of a plan, but come up empty. What is he doing here?

"I said hey baby," this time I hear the edge in his voice. It's a warning.

"H-hi," I stammer, struggling to recover. When had it become so difficult to slip on this mask? "You're home early."

"I thought you would be happy to see me," he says, taking a step down off the porch.

I instinctively step back, and see his jaw clench. First mistake.

"O-of course I am," I take a deep breath and a step forward, reaching deep for confidence I don't have. "Sorry, you just surprised me, is all."

"I see that," he says, closing the distance between us. "Now how about a proper hello?"

Before I can pull away, his mouth is on mine. His breath is hot and he bites my lip - hard - while one hand snakes around my hips and squeezes. My skin crawls and every inch of me screams to get away. His fingers dig deeper into my skin, as if sensing my desire to flee.

"Ouch!" I jump back, wrenching away from his grip.

He grins, but it isn't the charming impish grin I remember. This grin is cruel and calculating, as if he's testing me. I know I can't rise to the bait. I have to be smart, be calm, and get myself out of this. Some part of me hopes that Jake will come home early, that he'll sense my distress the way he seems to when we're together and rescue me from this hell. No, I remind myself, Jake can't be anywhere near this. I have to save myself.

"You must be tired from traveling. Why don't I make us some lunch while you shower, and then you can tell me about your trip?" I muster a smile that I'm sure he must see through.

He considers me a moment, blue eyes raking over me as if trying to read the lie in my face. Guilt roils in my stomach while panic creeps across my skin.

"I have a better idea," he says, "why don't you tell me what you've been up to? Seems you've been pretty busy while I've been gone. Driving up to the city, ignoring my calls and texts, threatening to leave me. Leah, you've run wild with this freedom."

There's that word again, freedom, bandied around as if it has any right to be in a conversation about a relationship. The panic that has my skin crawling is replaced by a burning anger as I remember our last phone call, the brave words that had flowed so easily when Shawn was hundreds of miles away.

"I didn't threaten to leave, Shawn, I am leaving. I told you we're done, and we are," my words are thin, lacking the confidence I'd had the other day.

"You're still here," he replies, "So let me tell you what I think. I think that you got a taste of what life is like without me. Maybe you even kind of liked it. But deep down, you know you belong to me, Leah. You know that we belong together, here. You don't really want to leave. So I'll give you one more chance. Come inside, show me how much you really did miss me, and I'll forgive you for stepping out of line. We'll go back to normal, before I left and before you got these ridiculous ideas about what you think you want."

"No."

The grin slips from his face, a mask falling away to reveal the monster underneath. His eyes seem hollow, like dark whirlpools ready to plunge me to the bottom of an ocean of despair. I shrink back, truly afraid of him for the first time as I realize that this Shawn is dangerous - unpredictably so.