𝐲𝐨𝐮✧𝐛𝐱𝐛✧𝐞𝐝

wont

elijah

we arrived at the party that day in your busted car. it was a black nissan i can't tell you more about because i don't know anything about different models or types of cars but i don't think you'd mind that. oh actually, never mind, i can tell you this. the a.c didn't work, the windows had a hard time rolling down sometimes and the dealership you got it from kept sending you notices on how you needed to get the airbag fixed asap but thats all.

you were wearing a casual white shirt and navy pants that had 'dickies' written in the back, held up by a black belt. your shoes were only noticed by me when we were in the front lawn of grace's home. the same grace who threw this party since her parents were out of town.

the grace who made your eyes sparkle without even knowing simply just because her name was mentioned. and thats why your shoes- they were the ones she complimented you on that one time in biology class. you told me so yourself the period after. the white air force ones i didn't want to compliment you on because i was scared you'd think i was gay.

now you know.

anyways, i was wearing a graphic purple tee, black jeans, and the purple vans you got me for my birthday the year before. i had made sure to keep them clean, so they looked almost brand new.
you know i wouldn't have done that if anybody else in the world had bought me them though, right?

anyways we were inside now, jumping up and down to the song that was playing. i loved it. everything about the scene. the song was great and i couldn't see the high teenagers in a corner devouring edibles. i was on a couple of shots even though i knew i was going to feel guilty about it later and you were dancing with me.

until you weren't. one moment you were chuckling at a dance move i swore i invented and the next, i saw your hand wrapped up in hers. grace was leading you upstairs and i swear it felt like everything was in slow motion. my stomach dropped and if i was focused on each little step you guys took, i would've been able to count it and remember it to this day. but i wasn't focused on that. i was focused on how happy you looked when your eyes noticed her touch on yours and it hit me.

knowing that i couldn't be with you no matter how much dreams i let go, things i tell you, or hours i pray. you were just you.

a straight male who was not even close to being in love with the guy he thought of as his best friend.

and i admitted to myself that you hadn't rushed to biology because you were about to be late. detention wasn't anything new to you and i noticed that you'd rather be there than the place that had nasty milkshakes and food you weren't the type to eat. you just wanted to see grace for a little longer just incase she was to compliment you on things like those shoes

i was too scared to compliment you on.

i threw up that night on grace's carpet and didn't sleep when i got home. i plopped my head back to the pillow thinking about how pretty grace was. hell, if i was straight i'd probably be in love with her too. i smiled for you and you weren't there to see that i was actually happy for you but i promise i was.

i just don't know why my eyes were wet with tears when i woke up the next morning.