His Lie in April - 四月の彼の嘘 (Shigatsu no Kare no Uso) (COMPLETE)

Nightmares of Yesterday

May 17. Kousei had released from the hospital two days earlier. He was back in his house one this night, just sitting alone, forlornly, on the piano bench wearing nothing but his tank top and biker shorts. He was slowly collecting his thoughts. Dammit! First I lose my left foot and hit my head, and then I hit my head again, and my speech is partially crippled, as is my eyesight, hearing, I'm moving slower, and sometimes it seems like I'm playing the damn piano blindfolded! Since Takahiko had gone back to work, he wasn't there for Kousei on this particular day.

The past two months have been a blur for Kousei, what with his left foot being gone, and now his speech, hearing and sight now being impaired. Things were looking fairly bleak for him. Then, what would eventually give him a panic attack, was those flashbacks of how his mother trained him to be a pianist, and her rather borderline and vindictive attitude towards Kousei had affected him.

~FLASHBACK~

That time when he played at a recital for a near-dying Saki was coming back to him. The time when he beamed with pride at her mother, but then she angrily beat him up for not playing the song according to the score TO THE LETTER.

Saki, with her cane, just beating her son senseless to the point where he drew blood was making Kousei's breath shorten.
~PAUSE FLASHBACK~

His heart started to beat faster over this flashback.

~RESUME FLASHBACK~

Back to the past, and Kousei's confidant, Hiroko Seto tried to stop Saki from inflicting further damage onto Kousei. "GODDAMN IT, SAKI! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DAMN PROBLEM? HOW CAN YOU BEAT YOUR SON LIKE THIS? YOU ARE BEING EVIL AND CRUEL TO KOUSEI! YOU REALIZE HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU PROUD?!" A crying Saki, realizing her illness was going to rob her of her life, said "I'm running out of time..... why? WHY?! Fate is a damn cruel mistress!"

Just then, Kousei went into a corner, well out of sight of his mother. Hiroko came over and comforted the little Kousei. "It will be alright.... your mother was just being evil towards you. I won't have ANY of that, Kousei..." Then, the next time (and for the final time in Kousei's life) that Kousei met eye-to-eye with Saki, it was then that Kousei wished on something that he would soon live, regret and be haunted by. "I JUST WISH YOU WOULD DIE!!" he yelled out at the top of his lungs. And sure enough, Saki did die of her illness shortly afterwards.

~END FLASHBACK~

All of this was becoming overwhelming to Kousei. He was exhibiting all the classic signs of a panic attack: A cold sweat, trembling, shortness of breath, and his heart was beating fast. He clutched his right hand on his chest tightly. "Oh, my god..... oh, my god.... Mom.... Why would.... you do.... this.... to me? Am... I really..... connected..... to you..... in that..... I have..... your..... same illness? Oh, my..... god, walls..... closing..... in..... heart about..... to..... explode...." Just then, Hiroko realized the panicking Kousei and came to his aid. Just as he was about to pass out, Hiroko grabbed him and broke his fall. He started to come back to normal, but slowly. Hiroko got a glass and filled it water. "Kousei.... you had flashbacks of your mother again, I take it..... is everything alright? Have a glass of water." 

Kousei drank the glass of water and tried to get his mind back to normal. He took the medications that were prescribed to himfor his condition shortly after that. "Yes..... it was. All that..... pain..... she..... inflicted on..... me..... haunted me..... again." Hiroko was alarmed by the fact that he had the same disease, but she wouldn't disclose that just yet. "Kousei.... your mom.... she still lives within you, right?" Kousei hesitated for a bit. Sometimes, it seemed like trying to speak full sentences for him was a chore in and of itself. "Damn.... it all. It seems.... like.... I can.... never.... escape her. For so.... long.... the way.... I played.... how I.... sat down.... how I.... touch the.... pedals.... the keys.... how I.... move my.... fingers.... and even.... how I eat.... she is always.... reaching out.... to me. And Kaori.... having finally brought.... me out of my.... shadows.... she is making.... a difference.... in my life. But now.... damn it.... my mom's disease.... I have it.... too? This is not.... the fate I had.... in mind! It's in jeopardy! I might be..... running out of.... time.... as well! Everything is..... in monotone..... again..... and now it's..... all becoming..... blurred and faded!" 

At that point, Kousei began to break down and cry. Hiroko hugged and comforted the crying Kousei. "Kousei.... I know that this month has been tough for you but remember that your mother is connected to you. Please, stay strong, stay tough. All of these accidents will NOT stop you being a great musician, or even inspiring others to follow their dreams! People love you!" 

Kousei just cried his eyes out for a little while, just at a loss over the flashbacks of his mother and worries over possibly going the way that she did. Kousei was slowly coming to the stark realization he was becoming a ticking time bomb. Hiroko stayed at his residence for that night, so as to watch over him to make sure that he wouldn't have another such panic attack or go through another health episode; for Kousei, he was now starting to feel desperate, afraid, and unloved, despite what Hiroko told him earlier.