Of Love and War: Us Against the World

Casualty

After spending so much time in the company of Anakin Skywalker, Zelina's ears could pick up the rattle of some loose component on the speeder she'd borrowed from the Lars. It made her nervous, thoughts of what could happen if it was something important and it fell apart swirling in her mind, how it could end up stranding her in the desert...

An unwelcome possibility, even if she'd been taught from a young age how to survive in a desert if she was ever lost or stranded in one.

The cool but sandy air blew in her face as she guided the speeder towards the closest town that would offer her what she needed. Owen and Beru had strongly suggested that she wait until morning to head out, but Zelina refused to wait to get what she needed for her and Luke to live a good life. So she'd asked the couple to watch him for a while as she made the necessary errands so she could get herself and Luke comfortably set, or at least as much was possible on Tatooine.

She'd be damned if Luke was going to live in some sandy hovel at the bottom of the food chain, trying to scrape by. If Anakin's son ended up growing up like they'd had to...

Anakin's son...

Who she was now the sole care-provider of...

Because Anakin and Padmé...

Zelina's grip suddenly tightened enough to make her knuckles go white as she suddenly jerked the speeder to the side. She barely managed not to flip the vehicle as she suddenly swerved off course before coming to an abrupt halt. There was nothing but sand and horizon around her. Not a farmer, Jawa, or Tusken Raider was around to see her, nor hear her. It was just what she needed at the moment, though she didn't have enough time to register the fact.

There were no Jedi around to sense her, no Sith to track her down, no living soul anywhere near to witness her. Now...now was the best chance she had to finally let everything that had happened really sink in. She'd been doing what she always did when she saw something particularly traumatic-she'd compartmentalized it all, told herself she'd deal with it later as she locked it all away and tried not to think about it. But now...she didn't want to risk coming apart when she needed to take care of Luke. She needed to open the box now, while she had this chance, and let it all flow out.

If she opened that box, though...would she ever be able to close it again?

Zelina pushed out of the speeder, leaving it hovering where it was as she stumbled blindly forward into the dunes. She didn't have any particular destination, she just wanted to get far enough from the speeder she wouldn't risk damaging it.

Let it out, let it out, let it out so it doesn't destroy you, so Luke doesn't get caught in a future shockwave if it overflows one day. Let it out now, let it...let it all sink in, even if you can't take it, let it...

She missed a step, stumbling forward as she felt her chest constrict and the tears already starting to well in her eyes as the raw grief she'd been keeping trapped inside tried to struggle to the surface, fighting against her instinct to shove it back down, to drown the emotion before someone could see-

No. No, think of what happened, even if you have to force yourself...

She had to think about the Temple. No, not just of the Temple, of the Jedi Order as a whole. What happened to the Temple happened to all the Jedi around the galaxy on a mass scale.

The senseless slaughter hadn't just been at the Temple. All around the galaxy soldiers suddenly turned on their unsuspecting Jedi Generals and gunned them down in cold blood. She remembered how it felt when Tup had almost killed her at Ringo Vinda. Had the rest of the Jedi felt similarly? Had they felt more terror than she had? She'd gone numb, had they stopped feeling as well, or did they feel every terrifying last second?