The Beauty of Living | ON HOLD

04. i'm here for you

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g a b r i e l l a

     "THAT BOY IS good for you," her mother told Gabriella with a small smile that reached her eyes. Four weeks had past since the incident with Elliot and the girl and although she felt embarrassed to be so insecure and weak, she felt within the boy's arms. She felt joy when the she was with him.

     But now, she couldn't visit as much. The petite girl's mom was growing far too weak and far too sick. It saddened the girl to see her mother in so much pain. She remembered when her mother wasn't gravely ill, and she wished that the time could reverse. But at the same time, she didn't because Elliot was in her life.

"I can see the look in your eyes when you talk about him. It's true love," her mother teased her, but she meant all of the words that came out of her mouth.

     "Mom! We've haven't even known each other for a month!" Gabriella exclaimed, causing the two to laugh lightheartedly.

     "I know, but every time you talk about him, it's like all of your problems disappear. It's like love at first site," her mother said and placed her hand on her daughter's hand. The gesture made Gabriella smile softly.

     "How did you and Dad meet?" Gabriella asked, hoping it wouldn't bring down the mood since her mom never talked about him. A smile was on etched on her face as she thought about the past, and she was glad that the memory made her happy.

     "It's kind of cliché, but we met in high school. He was the star quarterback and guess what I was? The one person who studied every day, every night and never really went to anything," she chuckled softly as her mind seemed to be traveling back to the memories when she was a teenager. "We met when my friends forced me to go to a football game and try to have some fun instead of studying inside all day.

     "After the game, he started to talk to me. I remember my friends giving me a wink before walking off to get some food at the concessions. I was so mad at them for leaving me alone with a boy who was labeled as a player. But labels aren't always as accurate as they can seem," she talked on and on about him like he was the best that happened to her, and Gabriella thought he was.

     "When we found out that I was pregnant, we were both ecstatic even though we were only in our twenties. Old people always gave us disapproving looks, but we didn't care. We wanted this— we wanted you. You were the best thing that happened to me and him. He would be so proud of you," her mother told her with a sad look in her eyes and a smile.

     "I love you so much, Mom," Gabriella told the woman vehemently, so much love laced in her voice.

     The woman smiled, "And I love you so much more."

     There was a comfortable silence between them after that, both of them reminiscing over the old memories they experienced. The memories they could have experienced. Gabriella hadn't really lived her life; she was always holding her breath, never truly being able to breathe.

     "Darling, I want you to live your life without the past haunting you," her mom told her, her voice getting softer and softer to the point where she was barely audible.

     Her eyes fluttered shut softly and the monitor connected to her started to let out a long beep. Gabriella's eyes widened in realization and screamed for help, fumbling with the object with the red button. Nurses came swarming in like a beehive.

     "There's no pulse! Emily, do CPR, quick," one of the nurses exclaimed in a rushed voice. "One of the surgeons are coming soon."

     Gabriella was staggered, too horrified and startled to move a muscle. A nurse she didn't know the name of led her out of the hospital room. The sound of the monitor replayed in her head and yet her mother looked so peaceful lying there with her eyes closed. The girl could've sworn she saw a soft smile plastered on her mother's face when the monitor started to beep.

     The one person who she loved just died. The petite girl was still in shock— it seemed like everyone who she loved always ended up dying. What was wrong with her? She expected tears to brim her eyes but nothing came. The girl didn't respond to any of the questions the nurses asked her; she couldn't hear them.

     Her thoughts were deafening and her eyes were blurry. All of her senses seemed to disappear as she fell into her own darkness. Over and over and over. There was no end to it; she kept falling deeper and deeper until eventually the light disappeared from her view.

     Her mother's words lingered in her mind no matter how hard she tried to get them out— no matter how how hard she tried to run away. She felt numb and shocked.

     There were five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For Gabriella, she felt none of them. It was an unnerving feeling that was excruciatingly painful to experience. Her mother had just died and she didn't feel sadness or pain. She wanted to feel something. Why could she not feel anything?

     Darkness filled her mind and the demons that she tried to hide away from for so long came back to her. Gabriella let out a shaky breath as her demons cooed into her ear, infesting every part of her mind. She needed to feel something. Anything. And she was going to do anything to feel it. The demons smirked at the girl, satisfied at how easy it was to manipulate her.

     She started to walk towards the hospital restroom before she was stopped by somebody. He smelled of cologne and seemed to tower over the small, fragile girl. The boy pulled her into a hug, whispering comforting things in her ear.

     Her demons hissed at the sound of his voice; he was her light. Light crept into her mind and she felt herself calm down as she realized it was Elliot. "Look at me. I'm here. Gabriella, look."

     Gabriella's eyes were wide as she brought her head up to look into his eyes. She felt like a scared, little girl, lost in a crowd of people with no sight of her parents. It pained Elliot to see her like this, but no matter how much he wanted to cry seeing her like that, he couldn't.

      "Let me go," she whispered even though she felt comfort in his arms. "I-I need to do something."

     "What will you do?" Elliot asked, staring down at the broken girl. "I know you're not okay."

     "I need to feel something," she said almost too confidently but looked so broken as she spoke. The boy's eyes widened at what she was meaning and he hugged her closer to his body. He wasn't letting go.

     "I'm here for you," Elliot told her, "I'm never going to leave you. I promise you." The last part came out as whisper.

     He was making promises that he wasn't sure if he could keep.