Fairytale

Viva

Cursing under her breath, Viva stumbles in the snow. She scratches at her arm obsessively, revealing her chipping black nails.

Hair in a matted purple bob and eyes alert in ravenous desire, Viva looks sloppy. Her clothes are beyond destroyed, clinging to her by mere stitches. The black beanie keeping her ears warm smells faintly of urine and trash juice. She found it in a dumpster on the way here. Two dozen poorly done homemade tattoos cover her arms and her ears have piercings lining the outer shell. She did all of those with needles.

Bugs crawl under her skin. Nasty icky bugs that burrow deep in the meat and tissues. Whispers of madness urge her through the alleyways, promising it'll all go away if she just pushes on.

Viva had it rough growing up. She lived in the ghetto with drug addicts for parents and with a bedroom that had a huge hole in the ceiling she dubbed 'the skylight'. Her mom was an on and off prostitute. Her dad an occasional low level drug dealer. One night when she was ten her mom lost her temper with her and shoved a needle in her arm.

It's all been downhill for Viva since.

She dropped out of high school after getting involved with this all girl gang in tenth grade. She couldn't even work at McDonald's without a high school diploma. Even when she tried to leave this life behind she couldn't. It didn't take long for her dirty money to dry up while she tried and failed to find clean work.

There was ever only one place for her to return.

She'd get clean, fail at life, then get back on drugs. An endless cycle with no way out. She just needed a break, a hand out. Then she'd be able to be free of this life. She just knew it.

Little did Viva know that she'd never get clean. Even if her life became magnificently normal and mundane, the itch would always return. The only way out would be with a firm hand and a good support system. She needs someone to buckle down on her and not take her bull shit excuses. Self pity is one hell of an enabler.

She stumbles through the deep snow, feet numb with the beginnings of frostbite. Her shoes are falling apart at the soles and snow keeps getting pushed in with her feet. She'd just gotten off a clean spell a few days ago, but as usual she fell back into old habits.

Secretly, she prayed she'd be consumed by the snow, that it'd take her in it's chilling embrace and end her misery.

Viva just wants it to all end. All the pain, all the sorrow, all the suffering.

Frozen.
Yes.
She wants to be frozen.

🐏

Sniffling under her breathe as she hides out on the top floor of an abandoned parking garage, Viva watches as the drug shoots out of the syringe and into her arm.

She tried to do better. She really did. She's just too weak, too much like her parents.

She screams and throws the dirty needle across the empty parking area. Her fingers thread into her dirty hair. Rocking back and forth, she chants," I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry."

All the guilt bubbles inside her, consuming her and reminding her that she didn't want to do this anymore. Why did her mom do this to her? Why?!

But then came nirvana, paradise, and all her woes disappeared.

She fell back against the derelict half wall. Traffic and gun shots can be heard in the distance. A loopy smile twists her lips as her eyes droop, half open.

Unconsciously she begins picking at her track marks, humming to herself.