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Riley and Joseph were resting in complete silence in the lower bunk bed that he had claimed that morning. They weren't asleep yet, both were wide awake and waiting for the other to start talking. But they kept their mouths shut, Riley didn't really want to say anything about it, Liebgott didn't know where to start. So, instead they just laid there in each other's arms. Joe was braiding many small braids on the top of Riley's head and she was drawing small circles on his back. Their body temperature and the multiple blankets towering on them kept the couple warm in the still very cold nights.
The other three guys that slept in the bunk beds: Heffron, Ramirez and McClung hadn't returned yet from the building were their friend had died. They didn't feel like leaving was the right thing to do, sleep wouldn't comfort them when they laid in their beds. Even if it did, they didn't want to return and disturb the couple.
Everyone in that building knew by now what had happened to Riley, Perconte had told them everything while he was searching for the Jewish soldier. Eugene was the only one to leave the building when he heard, the medic needed to give Riley the supplies that would comfort her after her panic attack. A piece of the chocolate he had in his pocket, a glass of water and one pill that he kept with him ever since Riley gave him one of her tins. Those were the things she needed and thanks to that and thanks to her friends calming her down, Riley was now back to being her doubtful self.
The pains around her heart were completely gone, the only thing she still had was a splitting headache and her heartbeat that was going way too fast. Stressed wasn't the correct word to describe her state, saying that she was terrified of what had happened and why it happened was a much better way to. It had happened before, but this time she dealt with it in companion of her friends and that was a horrific experience, one that she never wanted to go through ever again.
"Want to talk about it?" Joseph asked her finally, deciding that he couldn't wait much longer and that he was desperate to know what happened. He knew about Jackson's death, but that couldn't have been the only reason why Malarkey had found Riley in the middle of a panic attack.
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Riles, come on now. Of course there is something to say. Stop -" His hands brushed over his own face as he told himself to stay calm, to stay quiet while talking to the already freaked out Riley. "Stop it with trying to make me believe that you're alright, because I know damn well that you're not," he continued.
"There's nothing to talk about because I don't even know what to say, I don't know how to explain it." She snuggled her face in his chest and exhaled deeply, a sigh escaping her trembling lips.
"Can you try?"
"I didn't come prepared to the war, at least not for this. Everyone had a two year training but not me, I was thrown into this. In the beginning I believed that I could pick it up in a short amount of time and that I would get used to it, but that's not true. Every soldier that died in the hospital or aid-stations, I was there with them. I'm supposed to calm people down, but instead I'm only leading them to their deaths and It's," Riley was struggling with her words, with her explanation. "It's so hard to do every single day over and over again."
"I knew what to expect when I formed a resistance, but that didn't consist talking to people until they would rest forever. Tonight, I was so desperate for Jackson to stay with us, so desperate to keep him alive but I have failed and now he's gone. The only thing that I could think was that it was all my fault and that everyone should start fearing to be around me, 'cus I'm not a medic, I'm a grim reaper dressed in a military uniform."
"It's not your fault, Riley, he was going to die no matter what," Joseph assured.
"And in some way I know that, Lieb. I know I couldn't have done anything more than what I've tried. Yet, there's still that small thought in the back of my head screaming very loudly."
"Let me tell that thought to shut up then, because it is lying to you. Riley, you're not leading these men to death, you're letting them go, giving them the idea that it's alright. You help them see that they can rest, that we all will be alright. You weren't there to see it, but in Bastogne, when you weren't around because they needed you in the hospital, so many men didn't pray to their god but to you. They prayed that they made you proud, that you would think of them as a great soldier. You're more than just a medic or a strategist for Easy, you're our little goddess. There's a reason why everyone's mad at Webster, it's because you are and you're only disappointed in people for the right reasons –"
"I don't want anyone to get mad at him for me," she interrupted.
"But that's just how it is. You can't stop it, I can't stop, we're just protective like that. You have to stop being so doubtful in yourself, it's going to kill you one day." Joe placed his chin on the top of her head and folded his thin arms around her shoulders while he kissed her on the forehead.
"Thank you, Lieb."
"It's alright. Now close your eyes and get some sleep, the next couple of days are going to be stressful for the both of us." Riley nodded in agreement, before she closed her beautiful brown eyes and pulled the blanket over her and Joe.
"Goodnight, Lieb"
"Goodnight, Riles."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Without realizing, both said those words for the first time since they've met each other. It was the first time that they had declared their love so openly towards the other and it made their heats race but also calm down at the same time. They calmed the other down, but that beginning stage of love was in their blood and rushed through their veins. Their relationship was something different, something so beautiful that everyone hoped to last as long as the earth would still turn around the sun.
